How is it that we actually communicate and know each other? It has been my observation that these arrangements are more circumstantial than we care to admit. That we live in a matrix of conductivity. I think there is a matrix of sentiency by which we are all connected that is ignored. Collectively we deny it.
Sitting in my car in traffic, often at a stop, I think to myself, who is staring at me? Instinctively I turn my head to look, not in some random direction, but directly at some person who is actually staring at me. For those of us who live in an urban environment, and are out and about, it is pretty much an every day experience. I suppose there are some of us so distracted that they do not take notice, but generally, this is a common experience for all of us, and, it is communication. Of course this brings to mind what else is communicated by this means? I think most of what we communicate is by this means and what we consider communication, words and such, are a distraction. That we can recognize someone staring at us and turn to look, tells us more about communication than the words we use.
Collectively we deny it. This matrix is a collective and has common rules. This of course is what I think. Its basis is the experience, I have, in my life. Early in life, when we are learning our person, and struggling to interact in our world, we encounter this matrix. Socially a huge part of this matrix are the rules we impose concerning it. Largely these rules are counterproductive and injurious to our nature. Ascribing to these rules so early in our life begins an intricate web of rational thought and we begin to accept things as they are not. To step outside of this web and exercise our true capabilities is a vexing problem as we have already agreed that things are as we collectively accept them. We have spent our whole life building and maintaining that fortress. We know it well, every room, every passage, and have convinced ourself’s of its limitation. I think I have an aptitude for this broader, simultaneous experience, that we all have and yet deny.
It is difficult for me to step outside of the limitations I have placed on myself. There is an inert acceptance that it is someone else’s fault. The rule’s preceded me; that is just another empty room in the lonely fortress.
I expect to leave my tired and dusty fortress but I am afraid.
The Mystic Tourist