We create a matrix by which we fix ourself in place or free our self of place. Once free we are able to recognize providence and keep appointment. I am finding that I have used belief to anchor my matrix of place. It is a social matrix. The origin was a difficult relationship. I imagined it imposed hardships that I could not escape. This creates a template and repeats itself like a germ. We connect to others who have the same susceptibility and a matrix is formed. We begin to anchor and fix ourself where we do not belong. We recognize the germ in others because we are so familiar with it ourself. When this serves us well we enjoy the mutual benefit and when it does not we imagine the other is to blame. The structure employs others in this way and so it is social.
It is usual to ignore these things and deny them however I can see them and so they interest me. After having established this sort of conundrum it is difficult to puzzle the way out of it but I am finally losing the traction of place and its anchor. I am a little surprised to have done this to myself. Perhaps I will be less likely to do it again once I have corrected my matrix to be without constraint.
The nature of my mysticism is visual. I see the structures that we build with image. Due to this I blame others for the structures I see that I do not want. Even though I know the absurdity of that, it is part of the matrix and helps to propagate it. I expect that there are others who respond this way as well and it makes a mess of their lives. It is likely they are unaware and simply reacting. Most people, I will guess, are oblivious and it really has no impact. Just a subtle influence.
I have worked on this a long time and am beginning to see how to detach myself and restore buoyancy. I guess this germ, I have polluted myself with, must have been dormant. Something I ignored or delayed and so life provided a catalyst. I hope when I have finished with this lesson I will be more direct in doing what I am given to do. I certainly enjoy life better that way.
The Mystic Tourist