Unmasking Michael

My return to the scene of the crime should not take very long. I am the crime scene as well as the perp. My effort to disfigure, disguise and deny myself seems intended to keep me from myself. As I work to uncover the child who I once knew myself to be, my body double works beside me recommitting the crime. Who is this masked man, this imitation me? He is my ego. My ego wants to be my protector by insulating me and making sure that I am not seen. It seems the only path to Michael, the child within me, that I am intended to be, is reconciliation. I must make amends with my ego. He is not some stranger, he is entirely the product of my child self. It is this person I must nurture and make well if I am to reveal my true self, unmasked. This ego is my creation and only by creating the ego, I want to be, will the promise of my life be realized. I remember my child, he was magical and he used the magic to create a mask and hide.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

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Damage Control

Change is inevitable, as we age we change. As we hold on to expectation, possession, place, to our sense of identity we discover erosion. Of change I notice two modes, attrition and fruition. For the sake of brevity I will consider attrition as the erosive nature of time and fruition as the product of effort. Attrition or fruition are both imbued with the traits of our character and we imbue our character with the habits of thought. It is the habit of thought gives us our worth. It is here that we cast our self, we are either the victim of our circumstance or the authority who makes the best of it.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Observation

I search for a point of strength, a confidence impervious and indifferent unswayed in the current that is circumstance, steadfast yet nimble prepared by an authority that is known by all. Such an authority is indifferent to me. It knows no measure of accomplishment, I can not deserve it. This is my quest. My ambition is to have no ambition, to discover that its absence is the invincible reality of myth a legend. The secret that is kept in plain view.

Micheal, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Remembering The Future

As I wonder, considering fulfillment and its elusiveness, I see before me my past. The habits of my life, along with regrets and contentment’s. It is habit that determines where I keep my past, the habit of thought and behavior. The past is only at rest by honest appraisal of its importance. Be it a regret or contentment importance must be valued objectively if fulfillment is to be realized. When my past is before me, it only wants release, I am obliged to recognize its true importance, its release. Regret is always in the wrong place. A regret is never allowed to pass and it is a habit of thought that is regret. Habits of pride or self-importance are examples of how contentment is misplaced and what belongs behind me is instead an obstacle before me. The way I think and feel about things generate behavior that either fixes or releases the past. When the past is fixed it is as a barrier or an anchor but when it is a casual comfort or acceptance it is free to lend its definition and the future gains its complete promise.

It is in this way that the future is the past and I am able to remember the future. My past keeps me in line or sets me free, depending on where and how I keep it. When I choose fulfillment, in whole term, life’s fulfillment, enlightenment, I must first be at rest with my past. It is then that I can create or remember my future and it becomes my past. As long as I keep any part of my past before me it wants release and it is that release that sets me free to create a future independent of my past. Everything about life is habitual, all the mechanisms. It is usual to find a sync of habit that fits our culture and community and is accepted as normal. A habit that tethers and preserves status. I can also choose habit that is no less normal but is unusual. A habit that creates the future without replicating the past. The model for this habit is the future I create and I remember the future by creating it.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Confidence is My Faith

Faith was not enough, reason and curiosity needed help and I found it by abandoning faith. Faith had become a contradiction. It is the articles of faith, doctrine and dogma, that I found this way. To me faith represented a place to stop, an end to the journey and that is the contradiction. My experience of faith was as an alternative to verification with the implication that verification is somehow wrong. Faith of course is not without its merit, confidence, but faith only gave me a sense of confidence. Faith needed confidence but confidence did not need faith. In fact, confidence worked better without faith.

Faith is like a gate, that someone else goes through, and the rest of us are to have faith about what is on the other side. This is the contradiction, the pretense of confidence, instead of verification. Actual confidence does not need verification but you get it anyway. Faith presents itself as verification, in and of itself, and in exchange you get a sense of confidence. I have known people who find true confidence through their faith but when faith is the confidence, the freedom and liberty of true confidence is lost. Those who employed their confidence, who found their way and left their mark, gaining durable notice in the passage of time, did not intend for us to exchange confidence for faith. Their example was that of true confidence, that we might also find it.

I have no use for faith but I get it anyway. When confidence is true, faith comes along for the ride, free of charge.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012