My Fourth Grade Demon

I have recently been reconnecting with the class I graduated eighth grade with. At the time this began, this reconnect, I was working on restoring my child and early childhood joy and happiness. I was using an affirmation that involved using love as a door. Nearly as soon as I started this project, this reconnect with the child I had been, I am contacted by my eighth grade class. Some people like to call that coincidence but I call it providence. What I thought I was looking for was not to be found where I was looking, but this invitation, to reconnect, revealed where I had hidden it. What I was looking for I found between grade three and grade four. I thought I would find it buried in the grief I knew in grade one.

You see they held me back in grade one. I passed the class, no problem, but my brother Bob was being held back in grade two. He had no problem passing his class, what the hell it is second grade, but he thought school was fun. The nuns would not tolerate that. I was absolutely miserable through second grade and they decided I should spend a year at a public school. I really enjoyed first grade, the first time round, and third grade was a blast. I was sent to St Raymond’s in fourth grade for the remainder of my primary education. I could not have been more disappointed. Did these people, making decisions on my behalf, have any clue? No. I never again enjoyed school. I made no effort but was bright enough to pass easily without it. I landed in a college prep program for my lack of effort. Before I could get through four years of high school I had been to two very good schools. Got thrown out of both and am still without a diploma. It is needless to say, but I have made some very bad choices.

That brings me back to my quest to find my child and his assorted joys and happiness. I discovered what I was looking for (I do all this by divination) was a demon. The demon I found has hidden in this recess for all this time. Like all demons it stays busy working to make someones life a permanent home for itself. It has populated the remainder of my life with its effort. Of course it needs my help to do this, that is the bargain. All demons have names and this one goes by Indifference. I have given it broad authority to pollute my life. I am trying to introduce it to this door called ,Love, but it does not want to go.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

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