The Kaleidoscope of Now

I have been working on this post, these few words, for seven days. It was pretty tough as my inclination was to dance around the issue. Avoid it with needless text. Pretending a nonexistent problem. That is how the post first took shape and I sent it to the trash. My curiosity has been realized and I am happy with the finished work. I hope you will be as well.

Deciding the conditions that are true, that establish as factual, true expression, anyone can accept.

Writing about spiritual realities only completes a commitment to express an account of my experience. The next step demonstrates spiritual presence. Living spiritual realities. Expressing what has spiritual relevance in concert with the needs of being animal, being a spiritually present animal, demonstrating spiritual ability. This is the next step, to mend the animal I am, proving spiritual importance. This step involves finally finding the courage to be known even to myself. Only after ceding my animal identity to be the temple that houses my spirit, who, what I am, without the animal, does my purpose find expression and the animal become the expression of purpose. What decisions remain unfulfilled giving restraint and keeping my person short of completion? I have looked to the future searching for the memory of the way I prefer to be now. I have arranged my past to embrace the future I desire and yet there remains a divide. Is it something to do with now that has yet to be understood? I think perhaps it is.

Now makes itself express what is true, a true representation of where we are. Deciding to make my private spiritual experience public introduces unfamiliar concerns. It may well be the animal I am sees in the public stage I am fashioning, something unsettling. A choice, or choices, of a future yet to be known. To realize the person I am, in this divine sense that drives me, the future is already known. It seems that the future holds a secret, something I have yet to choose. It could only remain secret due to my refusal to accept it. I am fraught with preconceptions about what this might be, have been for decades, and that clouds perception, true sight. While I can not choose what is unseen I can choose to see it. Perhaps that is what remains. Am I broadcasting into the future unfounded fears and if it is a future I choose, what is there to be afraid of? I think I know this answer. I believe the confusion lies in the unfamiliar territory of inviting the public into my private life. It is as if I am holding my eyes shut against the future that awaits me, pretending I do not see. I have the memory of a storm, pieces of the future and pieces of the past but the storm is no more. I can rekindle it but I think not. One moment I am at ease and then the next, not so much. What will be remembered about this will be remembered now and the past and the future will remain as one.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

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