Well I am a busy boy, plotting the past and the future to be here now. As I work to be available, to make my spiritual life visible, I am surprised by where I buried my skeletons. Many of the definitive choices I made regarding my character were made in the fourth grade. Did not expect that. These choices are tied to experiences that preceded fourth grade and I always assumed that my character flaws were fixed to that earlier time. Certainly those earlier experiences have great bearing and influence but the choices that set in place, what I see as negative components of behavior and psychology, I made in the fourth grade. These choices fixed the way my being is considered. The choices defend against things that already happened, and as such, can not be defended against, fixing in place behavior and disposition.
Working to improve my condition it is these definitive characteristics that have focused my attention. I am rather self involved, a result of this collection of fourth grade decision-making, an ineffective way to protect myself from what already happened. Now as I grow into this evolving stage of my life I need to find a way to unravel this needless defense and find comfort in my public spirituality. It is helpful to discover the choices, seven in all, but what to do to break their spell? Somehow this Mystic Tourist writing project is getting that done. A simple matter of will, an exercise in perseverance and commitment. To know what work remains, an unnoticed product of these forgotten choices, fixed by time and lost to place, as a phantom haunting possibility; return all hesitation affecting success to the time to which it belongs dissolving an untenable place. Kind of like returning a bottle for its redemption value.
The path that I believe in is providence, I know of no other place. Providence assures that the one thing, at any moment, that best serves purpose, is always present. The task is to arrange the condition, of the moment, to realize the appointment of providence. Doing this unravels and discards the needless yarn considered to be the fabric of life, leaving only the naked truth. This path, of which I am fond, providence, brought me back to the fourth grade by way of an invitation to join in a reunion. The forty-five year reunion of my eighth grade class. I originally joined this group as a fourth grader and then graduated eighth grade with them. The invitation to join in the reunion presented the unexpected discovery of a treasure trove of phantoms, demons and assorted disgruntlements for which I had long been searching. I am still not sure how to reconcile with the phantom I created, born of decisions made fifty years past, but writing this is immeasurably helpful and I remain confidant that the Mystic Tourist Project will somehow close the deal. I also have a new-found gratitude and respect for this wonderful group of people I first met in the fourth grade.
Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012