Anchors Aweigh

Established norms present every lesson revealing success; Providence

For most of my life I have imagined myself a victim. That decisions made on my behalf, by others, when I was young, had cast my life in a way that left me injured. Naturally this did trouble me and I have plotted and pondered some way to get around it ever since, thinking there must be some way to consider things differently. Certainly I am in control of how I see and consider myself. All these years working to solve this riddle have finally done just that. I have considered myself a victim, all the while imagining that I can not be a victim except by choice. Having this knowledge, of course I am not a victim because I know better. It has been a conundrum and now I know why. It never was the decisions made on my behalf that cased any problem but rather the decisions I made about what others did. My choices fixed as problem-some, a stage in my life. Well that act is over now and the episode has a new bearing in my life. I have discovered that the choices I made, after the fact, fixed in place, a problem to be solved. Problem solved. This early life challenge is now a riddle solved and no longer serves to anchor me to negativity. I think that fixes quite a few things. It corrects an error in disposition and returns authority to its true seat. Correcting this place allows every choice to have a new bearing and purpose stands corrected. Relief after so long is powerful and I can consider every moment of my life in a new light. I have rid myself of a useless engine in my life and emptied burden from possibility. A freedom I have sought for a lifetime is now mine. I feel as if I have so much room, that I have lifted an anchor and am ready to set my sail.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Driving Lessons

Well I am a busy boy, plotting the past and the future to be here now. As I work to be available, to make my spiritual life visible, I am surprised by where I buried my skeletons. Many of the definitive choices I made regarding my character were made in the fourth grade. Did not expect that. These choices are tied to experiences that preceded fourth grade and I always assumed that my character flaws were fixed to that earlier time. Certainly those earlier experiences have great bearing and influence but the choices that set in place, what I see as negative components of behavior and psychology, I made in the fourth grade. These choices fixed the way my being is considered. The choices defend against things that already happened, and as such, can not be defended against, fixing in place behavior and disposition.

Working to improve my condition it is these definitive characteristics that have focused my attention. I am rather self involved, a result of this collection of fourth grade decision-making, an ineffective way to protect myself from what already happened. Now as I grow into this evolving stage of my life I need to find a way to unravel this needless defense and find comfort in my public spirituality. It is helpful to discover the choices, seven in all, but what to do to break their spell? Somehow this Mystic Tourist writing project is getting that done. A simple matter of will, an exercise in perseverance and commitment. To know what work remains, an unnoticed product of these forgotten choices, fixed by time and lost to place, as a phantom haunting possibility; return all hesitation affecting success to the time to which it belongs dissolving an untenable place. Kind of like returning a bottle for its redemption value.

The path that I believe in is providence, I know of no other place. Providence assures that the one thing, at any moment, that best serves purpose, is always present. The task is to arrange the condition, of the moment, to realize the appointment of providence. Doing this unravels and discards the needless yarn considered to be the fabric of life, leaving only the naked truth. This path, of which I am fond, providence, brought me back to the fourth grade by way of an invitation to join in a reunion. The forty-five year reunion of my eighth grade class. I originally joined this group as a fourth grader and then graduated eighth grade with them. The invitation to join in the reunion presented the unexpected discovery of a treasure trove of phantoms, demons and assorted disgruntlements for which I had long been searching. I am still not sure how to reconcile with the phantom I created, born of decisions made fifty years past, but writing this is immeasurably helpful and I remain confidant that the Mystic Tourist Project will somehow close the deal. I also have a new-found gratitude and respect for this wonderful group of people I first met in the fourth grade.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Driving Lessons

The Kaleidoscope of Now

I have been working on this post, these few words, for seven days. It was pretty tough as my inclination was to dance around the issue. Avoid it with needless text. Pretending a nonexistent problem. That is how the post first took shape and I sent it to the trash. My curiosity has been realized and I am happy with the finished work. I hope you will be as well.

Deciding the conditions that are true, that establish as factual, true expression, anyone can accept.

Writing about spiritual realities only completes a commitment to express an account of my experience. The next step demonstrates spiritual presence. Living spiritual realities. Expressing what has spiritual relevance in concert with the needs of being animal, being a spiritually present animal, demonstrating spiritual ability. This is the next step, to mend the animal I am, proving spiritual importance. This step involves finally finding the courage to be known even to myself. Only after ceding my animal identity to be the temple that houses my spirit, who, what I am, without the animal, does my purpose find expression and the animal become the expression of purpose. What decisions remain unfulfilled giving restraint and keeping my person short of completion? I have looked to the future searching for the memory of the way I prefer to be now. I have arranged my past to embrace the future I desire and yet there remains a divide. Is it something to do with now that has yet to be understood? I think perhaps it is.

Now makes itself express what is true, a true representation of where we are. Deciding to make my private spiritual experience public introduces unfamiliar concerns. It may well be the animal I am sees in the public stage I am fashioning, something unsettling. A choice, or choices, of a future yet to be known. To realize the person I am, in this divine sense that drives me, the future is already known. It seems that the future holds a secret, something I have yet to choose. It could only remain secret due to my refusal to accept it. I am fraught with preconceptions about what this might be, have been for decades, and that clouds perception, true sight. While I can not choose what is unseen I can choose to see it. Perhaps that is what remains. Am I broadcasting into the future unfounded fears and if it is a future I choose, what is there to be afraid of? I think I know this answer. I believe the confusion lies in the unfamiliar territory of inviting the public into my private life. It is as if I am holding my eyes shut against the future that awaits me, pretending I do not see. I have the memory of a storm, pieces of the future and pieces of the past but the storm is no more. I can rekindle it but I think not. One moment I am at ease and then the next, not so much. What will be remembered about this will be remembered now and the past and the future will remain as one.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012