Spiritual Comfort

The future is the past and every bit as predictable. This is because the future only lasts long enough to become the past. Today, as I consider this, I see remnants of my past suitable for a future mired in the past. Suitable only for repeating what is best changed. Of course there is purpose in that; Change. In my past, as recently as today, I spend much of my time beating myself up over my spirituality. It is an internal conflict that I am working to change. To build a past and a future where this conflict does not exist.  The time in my life that is free of this struggle is the time I spend writing. I imagine it is the personal nature of my work, that afterwards, makes me uncomfortable. Having yet to break through and be fully at ease with myself, I am reminded of that and my discomfort is repeated. The only thing I am really trying to do is be comfortable with the spirituality that drives me.

For me, spiritual living is much too personal for religion. This was obvious when I first understood my mystical, spiritual nature, at age seventeen. I knew then that the only path before me had no material support. I was entirely on my own without even so much as a text to guide me. I have no choice as this is how I find myself to be and I am very driven, but by just one thing, mystical spirituality. Religion has no place in this and so I am a secularist. As a result I have long had a sense of isolation. Even now as I write there are echos of rage about finding myself this way. They are distant but still as a siren beckoning me. I have corrected most of the injury in my past in my quest to, Be Here Now, at ease and comfortable with who I am. That is the only future I seek and when I have accomplished it, any success I want is mine. Unless I am dead I am sure I will realize this.

It is worth mentioning that the only way I have avoided being comfortable with the person I am is by creating that discomfort. All of the work I have had to do to fix this is the work I created for and by myself. After all that effort, it becomes a prize a person wants to hang onto, all the while, the best way to hold it is to let it go.

What holds back me now may well be in the future. Something about it that I see, something that triggers a reaction and past tendencies clamor for attention. I do not know. I believe I have corrected the places where I have kept injury and so perhaps the time to see and choose the future has arrived. To see it with eyes wide open and invite it to Be Here Now. I hope so.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

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