Am I troubled by agreement? In my recent post, Chalkboards and Other Dark Places, I wrote of self-hate. It had been a problem that built into a climax until I was reduced to dealing only with that. I wrote of spending seventeen days working to sort it out and rid my life of it. That worked and now as I return to blogging… it is coming back. It seems I may have an issue with agreement. I am troubled to be seen as someone who has occult knowledge. That tension makes it difficult for me to share my experience because I tend to start beating myself up and that is distracting. I did learn a couple of tricks to quiet the self-hate mantra that had become so irritating. A subtle affirmative correction that proved to be very powerful and that may help guide me to a place of comfort and ease.
I really like my spiritual experience. It has been and is fulfilling but for some reason sharing it triggers a hostility within myself, toward myself. Writing calms that hostility but after posting a blog entry the pull to beat myself up over it is very powerful. This has been a tough nut. Short of cracking it open, and solving the mystery, it festers and pollutes my life all over again. If I can not understand the trigger I am confident that it will find places, in my past, to take hold and self-hate will repopulate my life. Everyone’s life is fertile ground capable of growing damn near anything. What is this determination to do this to myself?
I imagine it has to do with expectation, my expectation of what others expect from me. Having made that observation it seems obvious that any issue I might have about expectation would have to be about what I expect from myself. What can I possibly do about someone else’s expectation except to do something about my own? That is probably very easy to fix. A simple affirmation ought to do the trick. What I learned when addressing this issue of self-hate, my recent correction of it, is that the affirmation needs to be spot-on. You see I had been working with an affirmation to deal with the hate for some time. When the notion of hating my life would pester my mind, I would tell myself, ‘I love my life’. Completely ineffective and that was surprising. After rooting out all the places that hate had taken hold in my life I found that the affirmation that dissolved this tendency was ‘All is good, all is well’.
Affirmations are powerful metaphysical tools and I have had great success with them. At this juncture the application of this tool is somewhat different. For years I used affirmations everyday. I would divine some affirmation and then over a few days fine tune it. When I started doing this I would create ten affirmations and throughout the day repeat them. Over time I would move on to a new list. Eventually I think I reduced the active number of affirmations I practiced to three. The difference now is that the affirmation I need is a little more precise. In the past these tools were more like a diet that promoted health, now it seems like I need affirmations that extract a condition rather than create a condition. The true nature of the injury in need of extraction needs to be identified if there is to be any hope of success.
I will try this affirmation; All is good. All is well. Doing what I like best, sharing the secrets of spirituality, of life’s mysteries, brings success. All is good. All is well.
Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013