A Knot In Time


So we find our self alive. We are given a time, a place, a name. Who are we? Surely we must know. Are we the time, place and name conception and death graced us with? A knot in time. I can be said that this is where we are and the way we have found ourselves to be but quite unlikely that it is who we are. In this grand distraction we can unravel the knot and remember. If we would know the future we only need remember the past. It must be the same thing because the future is made of the past.

In considering this question of who, where we came from, it must also be where we are going. If we choose to remember this past, we also remember the future and who we are. It is a simple matter of letting go of all that we are not. That which diminishes value and divides into parts, is naught. This desire to divide is our folly. It is false ownership. An effort to collect the parts and imagine our value is determined by the number of parts we collect. There is no need to collect parts. The gift of life is ours in its whole measure. To end our want and need we must accept whole measures and then we are complete. One part. This is the one path, the one way that is known by all. Is is discovered by letting go and then all that actually is, is at our disposal. Free. There is nothing to collect. Letting go fulfills every want and need, abundance is the law.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013


Life and death. Is there any difference? My life is but a fleeting moment against known time. How could there be any difference? There is not and so I think I must be alive.

I spoke with Jesus one day and he told of surrender. That if I were to surrender to Jesus I only need surrender to myself. That like me, a woman had given him birth. He was a being so brilliant that a robe covered all but his head and feet, otherwise I could not approach.

Satan cares nothing about you or me. It is our caring for Satan that harms us. If we just let Satan go, Satan is gone and we walk in the light where we belong. Because we are not dead, and life is so brief, death could be of little consequence. We are alive. There can be no mistake. It ends where it came from. Choose your path carefully because that is where you are going. It does not end.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

How To Be Who

I am not the way. I am not the truth. I am not the light. I am the door. I am the window. I am the gate. I am. However I consider myself, that is how I am. It is different from who I am. Who I am has a single desire. Who I am has endowed in me the authority to create. It desires that I should create who I am. In that way, how I am, becomes who I am. It is intended that they should not be the same. That how should be chaotic, unless we choose something different. In choosing who we are, over how we are, we let go of all that is naught and how becomes who. This simplicity lacks the complication we are so fond of and we feel threatened by that. It’s OK, it is supposed to be that way. It is the mystery we entertain ourselves with. Of course each of us is fully aware that there could be no mystery, after all, we do exist, we are sentient beings. It should be obvious that nothing could exist without first understanding. That is the only way anything can organize itself well enough to exist. What we see, what we experience, we create, not because we are God, but because we exist and we are aware of it.

Who is; the much maligned or much revered soul. It all depends on whether or not you think you have a soul. I never used to give it much thought. My soul was always cast in the most impossible of scenarios by those who would have me save it, if I failed it would spend an eternity in hell. That is pretty damn harsh. To teach me a lesson god (I never the give the hideous god who would design hell the respect of capitalization) would send me to a place so unbearable, so hideous, that only eternal suffering could convey it. A place so awful that a person could only survive it because god would have it never end. Fine. Let that god go to hell. Neither one of them exist except that we have imagined them. As for my soul, I can not possibly save it, it saves me. I, the how of who I am, must choose it.

Why do I write with such authority? Presenting myself as understanding the things I write about. Do you have faith, certainty that things are as you want them to be due to religion or some other construct? Perhaps you are an Atheist and presume yourself as having no faith. Why? Are you sure, as I am, of what you consider to be true. I write with authority on these matters because I have considered it at length and tested it to the best of my ability. I have stepped beyond the social norms to see what I can see for myself and am reporting it here on my blog.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

As It Always Has Been

The Next Step

After realizing the obvious, that I have already made my beliefs publicly known, shared my experience of spiritual reality, I am ready for the next step. To be comfortable about it. I had imagined that I needed to be open about my spiritual reality and that would somehow restore my spiritual health. Obviously I have succeeded, but I only just realized it. I have exposed a great deal about my personal experience. Anyone who finds this blog can read about it. I have already succeeded in making my life public and yet the prize of restored spiritual relations eludes me. Or does it? The only difference between thinking that I have succeeded in exposing myself, or, thinking I have yet to do it, was telling myself that I have. Admitting success. Even though it is obvious.

If the difference between my sense of having succeeded, or, still having to work toward it is telling myself that I have, then perhaps my spiritual life is the same way. A simple admission that it is alive and well. As it always has been. Now that I have realized that what I have been struggling with, toiling to complete, is already done, it is clear that something else remains. Something other than what has already been accomplished. The continuing struggle to do what I have already done is a silly ruse to fool myself. I succeeded at this some time ago. The only thing separating me from my timeless spiritual acquaintance is a sense of comfort and ease. This contentment, self-approval, comfort, it is the next step and the only thing I have ever had to do.

The time I have invested in exposing myself has been time well spent. In doing that I exposed a lot of dark places in my life where I might hide myself and presented it instead in broad daylight. For anyone to see. Now I need to be comfortable about it. That would be brand new territory for me. I hope it does not take as long to find that zone, the comfort zone, as it has to realize that I long ago succeeded at exposing myself. I suspect that my work to open myself up has facilitated much of what I need to be comfortable.

I did fall from grace. Life, I considered it to be overwhelming. Unless I think it is, it is not. I know these things. I understand metaphysics, the basic structures of existence, of being and sentience. I have used that understanding successfully for decades. So why have I done this to myself? This fall from grace. Perhaps I needed to prove my humanity before my soul can fit into this tired old suit and make an example of the spiritual heritage we all share. To be here now, the only time that exists.

Micheal, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

Insanity, Imagination or Spirituality?

Imaginary worlds and spiritual worlds, is there a difference? Is the spiritual possibility merely overactive or unrestrained imagination? Wishful thinking? It is essential to ask this question if there is to be any hope of a meaningful spiritual experience. Faith is not enough, at least not for me. For many faith is enough. A belief in something beyond biology that gives meaning, hope and strength. For me faith is a limitation, a surrender to complacency. A lazy or cowardly avoidance of accountability. If there is a spiritual world and I have a spiritual nature then that is something that can be demonstrated, I ought to do it. If it can not be demonstrated, of what possible value could it be? There can be no harm in expecting what actually is to be observable as well. To have practical purpose and use in my day-to-day life. Without that it is pretty useless and borders on make-believe.

That is of course where faith is useful. If I lack confidence, but have faith, faith pretends to be confidence and that is powerful. Others may simply be confident of their spiritual existence. With confidence then faith allows for a sense of resolve and more pressing concerns are free to be considered. How then, if I expect empirical proof of spiritual life, to do both? To be both spiritual and animal. Equal parts. To live the divine life instead of expecting another to do it for me. It is not a saintly act, I am sure of that. At least not in the sense that one can merit or earn a divine state. It is more the opposite of that, just straight up grace. A simple matter of letting go so that our true nature is self-evident. Realized.

It has been my experience that profound spiritual experience, is comparatively easy, when it is mostly a private concern. To bring the experience into the shared community of humanity at large, for me at least, has been more of a challenge. Not very easy. Probably because I do not really know how to do it. I have to learn it and being my own teacher, it is a walk in the dark. I can not imagine that there is really any other way to do it. Not for me, that is not who I am. Another concern for those of us who choose my path is fraud. There is no more obvious example of fraud than when it presents itself under the guise of spirituality. People are easily fooled, we often fool ourselves and this an area where people are easily taken advantage of. The objective, I think, must be example. I am not inclined to teach, rather to make an example and others then are encouraged to find their own way. To learn to teach themselves.

Many people are sensitive to spiritual experience but without the skills to cope. People hear and see things that they have no idea how to process. I believe it contributes to mental illness. People become psychotic or develop a psychosis. I believe that those conditions are influenced by the spiritual world. Some people are able to recognize it but have no point of reference, or mechanism to help them cope. The spiritual beings that are most commonly experienced are temporal and they can be dangerous. At least that has been my experience. Unless you have a natural aptitude, and can not avoid recognition of the world of spirits, you need to develop the sensitivity. We all have to ability because we are all spiritual by nature. That is what I believe.

If you have no reason to believe in spirituality, in being a spiritual being, then you do not believe me and I approve of that. You should not believe me if you can not see your way to doing it and I take no offence. If you are a religious person, a person of faith and you do not believe me, I have to ask you why? Is not your faith based on the kind of experience I write about here? The sort of experience you believe people have had. I am writing about my personal experience and am quite sane. Whose experience should I trust if not the experience creation gave me? I exist. Should I expect someone else to have experience for me to base my life on, or trust that if such an experience is possible, I too might have such an experience?

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

The Valley of Shadows

I have operated on the principal that if I just keep plugging away, sudden realization would be inevitable, and, confidence born of success, that is itself success, would be revealed. Imagining the spiritual landscape, I already find myself in, as success, is quite different. The confidence I seek is to be comfortable in my spiritual skin. Specifically to be comfortable in the spiritual shadow-land occupied by temporal spirits. Where doubt and shame, ridicule and embarrassment, reign. I refer to the expectation found in human sensibility that doubts spirituality. Many are sure that timeless beings of spiritual constitution are nonexistent and our realm of temporal spirits is populated with the spiritual equivalency of that certainty. That is because we are spiritual beings in a temporal reality. As spiritual beings we are by nature creative and our temporal spiritual landscape reflects the collective product of that creativity. The most prevalent disposition concerning our spirituality is ignorance and we blissfully deny the spiritual condition we are in as well as our authority regarding that condition. The spiritual influences we create in turn produce an agreed upon perception of reality. Forty three years ago I decided I would not share my understanding of our spiritual nature. How I see who we are and who I am. My attitude was; Let someone else do it, why should I bother. After all it is no secret. The path is clear for anyone who would take it. In a world where people ignore who and how they are I was angry that I could see it. Worse than that I was driven to pursue it. I wanted nothing to do with myself or the world I found myself in. Why bother?

That rage did tear me up but I managed to survive. I do think that at times destiny is stronger than death and we survive what would otherwise kill us. To my amazement, I, like many others, have survived.

While recovering from the worst of my behavior, a motorcycle accident, I finally took up the mystic person I had always been and tried it on for size. If it had any merit it would prove itself. It did. That time is over and I fell from my spiritual comfort zone. The path I have chosen to restore it goes through the shadowy valley of temporal spirits. To walk in the open as a spiritual being. When I was last faced with this choice, forty-three years ago, I decided to rage against all creation, until by attrition I was dead. It did not work but the temptation to take up that rage again remains strong. After all, nothing has changed, I am faced with the same question; Will I take a spirit-walk as a public figure? To make an example of our true spiritual nature, in a very public way. Time will tell that story best and I still have some left.

Anyone who has been reading this blog must know by now that I write to prod myself into the open. To force myself to let go and simply be here now. Even if I have put it off too long and fall short, this is worth it. I am the same as you and anyone can see as I do. Someone else will do it If I don’t. I feel that much of my writing is circular, the same story over and over. I apologize, I really should get to the point and just do what I am here to do. Take my spirit-walk through the valley of shadows. Invite the spiritual beings who have no temporal origin to join me. They are very comforting, I know this from personal experience, but if I am not comfortable they can not join me. I am as yet undecided about it. I am looking for the decision that will change that.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist, ©2013

Spirit Walk

It is easy to enjoy a rich and rewarding spiritual experience, privately. Angels and Ascendant Beings are comforting by nature and quite capable of making themselves known. At least that has been my experience and the reason I am at ease stating that these beings do exist. That they are sentient, much like you or I, except, they have no temporal form. They do have temporal acquaintances and they have taken the initiative to introduce themselves to me. That is something that will make a person take notice. I did inquire as to the existence of these and the result was they made themselves known. What am I to do with such an experience? What would you do?

I came to accept it. I developed relationships. Today I work to restore those relationships. In keeping with that effort I find that the work involves a more inclusive spiritual domain. The world of temporal spirits. Spirits that depend on human beings to exist. By invitation, I introduce myself to the shadowy world that is the realm of temporal spirits. It has been my custom to banish most of this sort and that was easy work. They do not like the light or the beings that populate it. An easy way to help a person is to take a spirit-walk with them. Those spirits, unsuitable for the walk, are that way due to the light and they fade away. A spirit-walk is not a physical action. It takes place in a spiritual realm where spirits mingle.

There can be no true corruption because corruption is not true. Corrupting spirits are this contradiction. They are not true and it would seem that they know no permanence. Dependent entirely on temporal reality. You can see that the company of spiritual beings, unbound by temporal reality, is very comforting and the company of temporal spirits, not so much. Well we do walk in the company of these temporal spirits and while some of them are harmless, and even helpful, others are evil. All of these for the most part go ignored except that they wield influence and we are in turn influenced. We each, by our thoughts and behaviors, determine the nature of the influence that guides us.

I am beginning to learn that being open about my spiritual life agitates the temporal spirits. That is something I do not like and I have reacted negatively. Any negative reaction is like taking a firm grip when letting go is best. The influence chosen is negative. That is a good lesson and I hope I have learned it. It is good to walk in this shadowy valley and I will not be abandoned by the untethered spirits who are bound only to what is absolute. To God. Let’s not consider God so much as a deity. God, to me, is not so much what is absolute as much as what is absolute is of God. To know God, know what is absolute and let God express God’s self.

I do think that my aversion to such a high exposure of temporal spirits is the source of the repetitive sense of difficulty I wrote of in my last post. I actually wrote that post a couple of weeks ago. I was unable to give it a final edit until this morning. Instead I was swamped by providence. Having to sort myself out using imagery. Considering the word, successful, I imagined success. I began with the areas where failure seemed to be my consideration. I then met that, which seemed to be failure, with the notion of success and imagined success. What a refreshing change.

I do expect to bridge the spiritual world, that is untethered to temporal form, to the shadowy realm of temporal spirits, rendering that realm true. I have done it before but only privately. Recognizing a point of resistance, as I have, I think I am closer to getting it done.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013


Today as I take inventory, consider the effort I invest in my wellness and my condition of being, I accept that I have succeeded. I have had a very rich and satisfying spiritual experience. That time of my life was a private time that I shared only with close acquaintances. Now I have tackled a boogeyman, I have shared my spiritual aspirations. Exposed myself to whomever might have an interest. Where is the bridge that binds these two times of my life together as one experience here and now?

When I decided to create this blog I did have a plan. I thought if I conquered my refusal to be spiritually open, that would restore my health. That my spiritual life would once again thrive. I thought that was the bridge I needed to build, or discover. What more do I have to do? Where are my spiritual companions? What veil separates me from the spiritual richness that was once familiar?

This lost familiarity is where it can be realized by admitting my dislike of self. I dislike public recognition of my struggle. I do not think I should have to struggle. Truth is this struggle will continue and that is what upsets me.

This notion of dislike and struggle is an observation revealed by divination. It is true I continue to beat myself up and just why continues to elude me. The work I do to correct this condition is very informative. I consider its value to be indispensable and powerful, however, the sense of repair is short-lived and I find myself wrestling with the same discomforts repetitively. I have many tools to riddle such problems. I am well-practiced with metaphysics and I will guess that perhaps what seems a struggle to me needs to have a new consideration. I can not dislike what I have to do and be happy, glad. Am I being charged to find the joy and happiness I knew privately and make that public?

Having a rich spiritual life privately is not the same as doing it publicly and there are things about it that I have yet to learn. It is not the same and I suspect that the results are different. In matters of spirituality and metaphysics, my path and the problem I am trying to solve now, I will consider the Kundalini.

I am confidant that I have opened the channel. I do not consider the flow to be very strong. Light Gate is cloudy and that suggests an issue with its corresponding chakra Acquaintance, Acquaintance being the second chakra and Light Gate being the sixth chakra. The whole idea of the Kundalini is to bridge the three lower chakras to the three higher chakras by way of the fourth chakra, the bridge chakra, Compassion. Compassion first comforts the three lower chakras and relaxed they can seep through compassion and its attributes to the fifth chakra Truth and Justice or Sea of Justice / Seat of Truth. A person who endeavors to rest on this seat then recognizes a truer understanding of the corresponding chakra, the third chakra, Ego. Compassion is the lubricant that allows this to happen. Should Ego be accepted on truer terms then that produces a measure of enlightenment and Light Gate is made available. Light Gate corresponds to Acquaintance, the second chakra and of course the lubricant that binds these two, is again, Compassion. Once accepting Acquaintance and Ego on the terms dictated by Compassion, Truth/Justice and Light/Awareness, the seventh chakra, Spirit Gate is available. Spirit Gate corresponds to the first chakra Place/Flesh. Conception and Birth. This channel, The Kundalini, is the cycle complete. When we open it, rid it of clutter, soul meets form and mystery is no more. The simplicity between clutter, or not, is so delicate that we only recognize the difference after we succeed.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

Nine Lives For The Cat / How Many For You

This morning I will explore what looks to be denial. Once again it is a physical sensation like a pie wedge I can feel. Like there is something taking up space in my body and aura. I recently wrote about temporal spirits and this physical sensation is like a soft spot where intrusive temporal spirits can get up close and personal. In, Death of a Seminarian, my last post, I wrote of this sensation as well. In looking to understand it I saw that the discomfort I knew was resentment and now it seems that below that is denial. Denial of what?

Often when looking to understand something like this I find it is tied to an event or a time in my life. A time in the past. When I consider how this denial is anchored I am reminded of a motorcycle accident, somewhere around 1974. It was a bad accident and it resulted in a broken neck, soft tissue damage. As I understand it I tore a massive amount of soft tissue, muscle, away from the right side of my cervical spine. Enough that it was considered to be broken. Naturally, I did nothing about it. It did bother me quite a bit. A short while after this wreck I began my career as a hot roofer. You can find harder work but you really have to look for it and for a person as angry as I was, hard work is great. At the end of the day I would measure the strength of my drink by the strength of my pain. I carried my right shoulder several inches lower than my left. I could not stand up straight and this condition combined with heavy drinking eventually was not sustainable. But that is another story. So what does denial have to do with this?

Just thinking about this, wondering what this denial thing is all about, I can feel the angry man I once was beginning to stir, like a distant echo. That past life is at ease in this place that is as a void in my physical person and aura. Denial, I am in denial of control. Control of my outcomes. In this accident, the outcome was in my control. It was serious enough that my death was as likely as not and yet I stood up and walked away. The part of me that controlled that outcome would have me invite it, to be in charge, to assume control. To end injurious possibility simply by direction. It would seem a piece of me was left behind, buried at the point of impact that was this accident. Interesting.

Years ago, while working through psychotherapy, I dealt with this issue of leaving a part of myself buried there. It was a very intense visual tactile experience, as was much of my psychotherapy experience. My person was not stopped at the point of impact but rather the momentum carried me into the bowls of the earth. A part of me was left behind and I had to retrieve it. That was a powerful experience. So why am I looking at this again? The time has come to admit I was actively trying to end my life. Well, if I admit that, I will have to surrender my long-held position that I was simply tempting God to intervene.

It seems I just need to be honest with myself and admit that the extreme recklessness that was my life, held no innocence. I did not want to be the person I thought I was, so much so that I worked to create enough attrition to avoid it. I do not get a pass on this one. Even if I use clever rationalizations.

So now I have found a large measure of denial, honesty will mend that and perhaps I will knit together a more complete person. The person I worked very hard for many years, not to be.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

Death of a Seminarian

I continue to maintain resentment that spiritual wisdom is my only interest. I first chose resentment by virtue my eighth grade epiphany that women are considered less than men. I had long thought that I would graduate eighth grade, go on to seminary and eventually be ordained a Catholic priest. By the time I reached eighth grade I realized that the church was teaching that if a man took a wife, that condition would so defame him so as to make the man unfit as a priest. Was this a rule I was taught? No, but it implication is unmistakable. The silly rules I knew of and that were imposed on women, by the church, took on a new meaning and a new urgency to make sense of it all troubled me.

There were rules designed for women only. Women could not be priests. They had to cover their head in church, men could not. What is that supposed to mean? At the time the church taught that it was a sin for women to wear pants. It was also a sin for a woman to use a tampon. I think the list was a bit longer, but being a man I am ignorant, these rules did not apply to me. It was not hard to notice that women did not make these rules, men did. I could not abide by this shaming of women. It made no sense to me and I began to question my expectation to become a Catholic priest. I never went to seminary and I resented the lies I had been told by the church. If I could not trust the church, how do I reconcile my life with God? This was when I first realized that I would have to find my own way. That men did not speak for God.

I would like to trust the church. I could have made a career out of that. How about the sense of community, of belonging? None of that for me. If you are a part of a church you are part of a network that enriches life in many ways. The God Club supplies support in countless ways. It can be a powerful tool for wealth. People in turn claim that their prosperity, and good fortune, is due to their faith in God. Without the church, a like-minded support group, I think things might be a little different. There is a vested interest in seeing the members of your church succeed. The success can be pointed to and the claim made that it is due to God. What about the network of support, could that have anything to do with it? You need to raise funds for a charitable enterprise and you turn to your church. It is not hard to see that it is the network of like-minded people gathered together for a common purpose that deserves the credit given to God. Churches do wonderful things and it is good to have support but the notion that God favors one above the other is insulting. Not to God of course. What insult could God possibly suffer? It is an insult to ourselves.

Reading that last paragraph it is easy to see that the vein of resentment, my resentment, runs deep. Before sitting to write this post I had long believed resentment of my spiritual drive was rooted in my high school years. I had always thought of this eighth grade epiphany as a turning point but never as the onset of my spiritual resentment. I have learned a great deal by finding my own path. My determination that no man, no book, reveals God has left me to trust God. I believe that wherever I am God makes God available. Providence. I do not seek the false shelter of religion to shepherd God.

I like to think that my pursuit of God, on Gods terms, reveals a secret that is itself success. Well that is a nice thought, maybe it does. And there is that resentment jumping out like the boogeyman. I am writing about this to unravel the physical sensation that is caused by this resentment. I can feel it and it is uncomfortable. In looking to understand what it is, this is what I find. The words I am writing.

One of the things I have long associated my spiritual resentment to is the belief that I would have to make public my spiritual curiosity and its product. That was a realization I became aware of in high school. Now that I am actively doing that it has forced me to deal with the resentment and so this post. I need to find a way not to feel this way about it, to grow past it. My curiosity is a good thing as is whatever it reveals.

Thanks for reading.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013