The Valley of Shadows

I have operated on the principal that if I just keep plugging away, sudden realization would be inevitable, and, confidence born of success, that is itself success, would be revealed. Imagining the spiritual landscape, I already find myself in, as success, is quite different. The confidence I seek is to be comfortable in my spiritual skin. Specifically to be comfortable in the spiritual shadow-land occupied by temporal spirits. Where doubt and shame, ridicule and embarrassment, reign. I refer to the expectation found in human sensibility that doubts spirituality. Many are sure that timeless beings of spiritual constitution are nonexistent and our realm of temporal spirits is populated with the spiritual equivalency of that certainty. That is because we are spiritual beings in a temporal reality. As spiritual beings we are by nature creative and our temporal spiritual landscape reflects the collective product of that creativity. The most prevalent disposition concerning our spirituality is ignorance and we blissfully deny the spiritual condition we are in as well as our authority regarding that condition. The spiritual influences we create in turn produce an agreed upon perception of reality. Forty three years ago I decided I would not share my understanding of our spiritual nature. How I see who we are and who I am. My attitude was; Let someone else do it, why should I bother. After all it is no secret. The path is clear for anyone who would take it. In a world where people ignore who and how they are I was angry that I could see it. Worse than that I was driven to pursue it. I wanted nothing to do with myself or the world I found myself in. Why bother?

That rage did tear me up but I managed to survive. I do think that at times destiny is stronger than death and we survive what would otherwise kill us. To my amazement, I, like many others, have survived.

While recovering from the worst of my behavior, a motorcycle accident, I finally took up the mystic person I had always been and tried it on for size. If it had any merit it would prove itself. It did. That time is over and I fell from my spiritual comfort zone. The path I have chosen to restore it goes through the shadowy valley of temporal spirits. To walk in the open as a spiritual being. When I was last faced with this choice, forty-three years ago, I decided to rage against all creation, until by attrition I was dead. It did not work but the temptation to take up that rage again remains strong. After all, nothing has changed, I am faced with the same question; Will I take a spirit-walk as a public figure? To make an example of our true spiritual nature, in a very public way. Time will tell that story best and I still have some left.

Anyone who has been reading this blog must know by now that I write to prod myself into the open. To force myself to let go and simply be here now. Even if I have put it off too long and fall short, this is worth it. I am the same as you and anyone can see as I do. Someone else will do it If I don’t. I feel that much of my writing is circular, the same story over and over. I apologize, I really should get to the point and just do what I am here to do. Take my spirit-walk through the valley of shadows. Invite the spiritual beings who have no temporal origin to join me. They are very comforting, I know this from personal experience, but if I am not comfortable they can not join me. I am as yet undecided about it. I am looking for the decision that will change that.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist, ©2013

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One thought on “The Valley of Shadows

  1. I think I understand what you’re saying and have found myself in a similar position where I’m going around in circles trying to trust myself, trying to understand where I’m going even when on some level I believe I do. It’s not easy.

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