The Corruption of Now

As a curious reality I continue to struggle with my opposition to exposing what I consider to be my spiritual life, even though it is something that I have already done. It is an opposition to doing what I want to do. Well that seems a bit odd but I suspect it is not at all that unusual for a person to be self-conflicted in this way. I suspect that we all have some of this tendency. Not that we would all struggle with this as I have. I am sure plenty of people are very comfortable in their own skin. Personally I am more comfortable as time passes. I work to be that way and I bring the issue up as a simple observation. Internally it is as a constant complaint but when writing about it, it is an observation. It is certain that as long as I remain conflicted in this way I will fall short of my goal of being spiritually successful in the real world.

The human story has long included spirituality. People have considered themselves to be spiritual and to have spiritual experience. A few of us are revered as having found the way. It is usual that we hold these people to a different standard, as if they are somehow different. They are not. If they were their lives would be meaningless as they would not be like the rest. They would in fact be different. The only possible value in having an observable spiritual experience is if it is an experience anyone might have. Then it tells us something about ourselves. Who and how we are. This is the experience that I write about. My spiritual experience and I think it is the same sort of experience anyone might have. I have no reason to bother with it if it is not. That being said, we are not all given the same thing to do. That would be boring. Together we create a collective spiritual appointment. I am trying to keep mine. Which reminds me, so long as I am trying, I have yet to do it and am only trying.

There is something about creation, about magic, that I have yet to include in my understanding of now. It is certain that the only time ever experienced is now and the past and the future emanate from that single moment constantly. It would seem that all of time is created in that instant and contained there. I have thought that it must be creation itself, but increasingly, I see there is more to the equation. I believe it is something about the future that we can apply and the past is made to be obedient. It is common to remember the past but uncommon to remember the future. I really do not think it is any more difficult, we have simply long ignored this ability and in so doing forgotten how to do it. How can we remember what we have forgotten how to do? In the past we were born and perhaps we will be born again in the future but the only way to accomplish that is to first die. Is this why we will not remember the future? Are we simply afraid of what we can not avoid? Clearly we are as dead as we are alive, there is no other resolution for our animal existence.

I think there must be something for me to learn about the future. I think perhaps this is where my discomfort and complaint reside. The future. Have I made it a reservoir for fear and uncertainty? If I have then that future broadcasts itself into my past corrupting now and preventing it from expressing the success I am certain to enjoy.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

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