Pantheism The Quest For Existence

Motivated by the struggle of community, as we question and strive to wring understanding out of uncertainty, I write. I write of my personal experience, certain that experience is something we share, something we have in common. I hope to produce a fresh perspective of our collective experience. Understanding. It is the question of our existence, of how is it that we exist and why, of what can and should we do, this is the understanding that concerns me and at some level it concerns us all.

In the seeming vastness of what we consider as existing, countless light years filled with empty space, innumerable planets, planetary systems and galaxies, I ask if it is not just a matter of perspective, and in truth, it is all quite small. We imagine that our intelligence sets us apart and qualifies us as superior. Are we? How unusual is intelligence? I see it as as common as the empty space that fills nearly all that we know to exist. Modern physics has taught us that the matter we consider as solid, is not. It is held together energetically. This simple reality is repeated over and over again in every expression of reality. In galaxies, solar systems and empty space. Nothing that does exist can exist without first understanding. There is a fundamental understanding required for anything to organize itself well enough to exist. An intelligence. It is present even in what we consider to be inanimate.

There is no space between us and everything that exists is a collective expression of our shared consciousness. The further we look the more we see, because we are looking. We are what has been created and as such can not be separated from our creator. We can choose independence and refuse to know our creator, and then, that is what becomes of us. Grist for the mill of creation. The spirit that creates, that permits your animated self-aware person, can be chosen. That decision is known as purpose and it is why you are aware of your existence.

The wormhole is now. It is creation and it is where the spirit that created us is.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2015

The Gift of Life

Presenting the Divine, creation and creator, not as the same but as inseparable. While there are countless ways to present this construct, there is no other distinction by which it is known. The way we consider our self, and everything else, determines our relationship with whatever created us. God? I would never consider God as presented to me through the lens Abrahamic theology. That god is a monster and I want nothing to do with that. I don’t believe in monsters and would certainly not devote my life to one. All of the faiths that worship monstrous gods, gods who sanction hell while granting favor to others, each of them have given us examples of what a real monster might be, because they have been that monster. In different circumstance, I might be that example and bring the wrath of my imaginary god into our human community for sharing.

In my view, Divinity teaches that no matter what any of us have done, we share one common thread, innocence. I could also imagine that none are innocent. For me, the notion of innocence works best. To imagine that I might do what others do if I shared the experience of their circumstance, no matter how horrible or altruistic. There is a selflessness in Divine living that is measured by this sense of sameness, of no matter what. Of being like all others and all others being like me.

Today while I work on this puzzle my biggest challenge is defensiveness. It manifests as rage, anger, even self-hate. When I am approached by a spirit I respond by snapping at it, “What do you want!” It is not a question, it is more of a swat. It has become my habit. That kind of tension is not healthy for spiritual relations and the spiritual environment I live in. I allowed this tension to creep into my life, as I think most people do, accidentally on purpose. I cast blame outside of myself and imagined myself a victim of another persons intent.

In the past year I have paid scant attention to my blog while sorting out what has boiled down to the false notion of imposition. In matters of spirituality, there simply is no such thing. Everything is purposeful, an appointment generated by our true spirit, not in the past, or the future, but now. The moment of creation. You know, your spirit, that which breathed life into the dust and mud of the universe that it might experience life by creating a being to share it with. Spirit is neutral, which may seem indifferent. Spirit is what animates matter and ego is what animates person. I think the spirit that animates us and gives us awareness has endowed us with purpose, to surrender ego to spirit and give the creator life. To return the favor.

I believe that we can stand with spirit by recognizing the creative authority of now and letting all else go. Most of us, it seems, will not do that but even those are not lost because the creator and creation can have no true separation. This is the construct of Divinity, none of us escape it and all of us are invited to join it and be what the spirit is as well as its creation. That is Divine life. It is no mystery, it is just an inexplicably difficult choice to make, unless we let go of the difficulty. That is the singular obstacle and it is fickle.

Michael, the Mystic Tourist ©2015

Ego The Impostor

Spirit is as a siren yet it does not call to us. Its seed takes root and we are alive with promise. It is our being that is spirit. It animates our form and then it is form that calls to us distracting us from spirit. It is this distraction then that does not exist, its temporary nature so flight as to be naught yet we cling to it for permanence. Everything that does distract us is called to us by spirit that we might not be distracted by it. It is in this confusion of distraction that we are intended to find the tranquility and calm of now, that we might stand in the presence of creation and release our being from the bondage of the past and future.

In the hodgepodge of the past, future and the significance of actually being, we are part of a larger community. The fabric of acquaintance is held together by the subtle structure of spirit. It is a matrix of mindful considerations. Agreements, disagreements, belief, opinion, fears, all of the joys and frustrations of emotion and intellect. We are not bound to form except by these considerations, and, our spirit-person travels untethered to flesh, in the broader community within which it is acquainted and known as spirit. This subtlety of person is largely ignored but is none the less the glue of our human condition. Any person inclined to consider their spirituality, on its own terms, might encounter these spirit forms. Even while we ignore them they can not be avoided. They are like the air we breath, at least that has been my experience.

It is disposition that determines the character of the spirit community that influences us. It is easier to mind this character if we mind our spirit life quietly, privately. We can of course make our self a member of a community of like-minded people. People who have decided beforehand how things are and then imagine the spiritual self as secure in that reality. We comfort ourselves by consensus. Finding comfort in a faith that gives us answers to questions we have not asked. When we actually ask these questions, without the structure of consent, it disrupts the matrix. That is why I am here.

Spirit animates matter. Ego animates person. The ego imagines itself as spirit and being. It behaves as such. It is actually just person but as a product of being it behaves as spirit and can be confused as such. There are many who believe the ego must be defeated, destroyed, and only then can spiritual fulfillment be known. I am not such a person. My calling is divinity and it does not exist without a healthy ego. When ego is not yet healthy, it is imposing. It is an impostor. It mingles with other impostors in a spirit-like form.

This mingling of our egos, as a mimic of spirit, is the spiritual world most of us know and feel secure in. By and large the cost of admission for membership in our human community, is ignorance of even this mimic of spirituality. This is the landscape I have been working to comprehend and there are many distractions. These distractions are seen as imposition, yet there can be no imposition in matters spiritual. It is the ego that considers imposition and then attracts it while spirit sees it as a distraction. The ego distracts its self, into the past and the future, while spirit is only present now. Should we stand with spirit in the moment of creation, which can only be now, the ego is tame and our divine nature revealed.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2015

The Room With No Door

As a child, I knew, what the adults in my life imagined were imaginary friends. As an adult, I have had young children introduce me to their ‘imaginary’ experience. One such event stands out. At the time I was working with a crystal ball. It has been my experience that quartz often collects energy but this piece shed energy. It was very energetic but did not collect energetic imprints. I was visiting family and staying in a home with a toddler who had yet to learn to talk. She enjoyed playing with the ball and we played with it together. While doing this she was able to communicate with me. Completely nonverbal. Very cool. She wanted to know if I could see what she could see and she introduced me to a wild, very active, group of quite small energies. Like a bunch of tiny persons who were non-terrestrial, or at least, had no physical form. She clearly wanted to see if I would acknowledge their existence and I did. I have been unable to reach a determination as to what they were.

The child I mentioned is now a young woman, and while very imaginative, she has no recollection of her ‘imaginary’ childhood acquaintances.

What is it that separates us from this childhood reality that seems so common? Might this childhood experience be spiritual and might these spirits expect us to remember them, for us to invite them to join us as adults? I think they are and they do. It is as if we leave them in another room and then build a new house without that room. There is a casual joyful happiness that children often have that is uncommon in the adult world we make for ourselves. I think there is a relationship between the spiritual experience of young children and their often casual sense of joy and happiness. We are forgetful and we tend to leave both of these dispositions in our early childhood, usually forgetting we ever were this way and unable to remember the way. To replicate it as adults. Why?

I think much of it is cultural. Here in the west we conquered the shamanistic, earth-based, spiritual practices of our ancestors. Often with extreme brutality. We tend not to value personal spiritual experience and instead expect a socially centralized compartment for our spiritual concerns. We expect that our spiritual life is best-managed by others. That some authority, outside of our self, is in charge. We expect that we need the guidance and intervention of others to be spiritually content. We assign our spiritual well-being to false authorities, someone other than our self. I don’t know that if shamanistic sensibilities had won the day, that our spiritual concerns would be less centralized. None-the-less, western culture diminishes the importance of personal spiritual experience and places spiritual authority outside of personal experience. We are expected to rely on an external groupthink authority. We think the truth can be written down and fixed in place. Words, written or otherwise, can only hope to convey a thought or a feeling and are neither. Truth, to be of actionable value, needs to be personally experienced. It is the message that is not spoken or written down. Words allude to it but it makes itself understood.

How do we bring, into our distracted reality, a more comprehensive understanding of reality? As adults, we dismiss what we consider to be imaginary childhood experience. Having long ago dismissed, and forgotten, our own experience, as well as how to recover it, we enforce this norm against our children. It is an obvious act of ignorance, to dismiss such a common experience as being, not only imaginative, but also make-believe. We might first accept that it is an experience that is very common. These are real experiences but what is the cause? Do we generate the experience or is it a straight forward observation of what does exist? It has been my personal observation that it is both. Much of this spiritual realm, we create, by having been imbued with creative authority. The charge we are given, the charge I believe I am given, is to create a state that is suitable for my soul. To create a gravity, of my temporal being, that attracts the spirit that is my soul, a more durable representation of awareness, sentiency, being and existence. A truer me. It is this spiritual expression, my soul, that would have me invite it to be me. It wants to walk as I do in the company of men and women. The temporal person, I have created, to walk in the company of men and women, feels threatened, after all, what is it when flesh blood and bone are returned to dust? This anxiety, generated by our brief appearance as terrestrial lifeforms, is then as an armor that shields us from our soul. We feel threatened.

I am beginning to think that the path to the mountaintop is happiness. To restore the happiness that embraced me as a young child. This happiness resides in the same place that I knew as a child. It is not so much a memory to restore as it is a place to return to. Its residence is not fixed to time and it waits for us to return, or to create, the gravity by which it is known.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2014

The Marshal Plan

Commitment to a cause, to an objective, marshals support, forging it without questioning, from anything imagined or real. This is a fundamental construct. You can see it play out in the lives of all people. Regardless of what our success is, this lies beneath it and whatever our condition is, that is our success. Understanding this is indispensable as we work to become as we would choose to be. The power of suggestion, wanting things to be compliant, proof of our position, can not be overstated. It is in understanding this authority that we can best manage possibility. Things may not be the way we expect, the way we have decided that they are. Even when our considerations are not true, we will marshal the support we need, to believe. In considering existence, experience, from my mystical perspective, this awareness is also a fundamental construct.

Could anything be different than it in fact is?  There is a certain omnipotence about this. There is an absence of mystery. Things are as they are and can be no other way. We are, and so, not only can we understand how things are, we would not exist without being in a state that is an expression of that understanding. Can a person know everything? I say it is impossible not to know everything. What we can not do is own it and knowledge, often, is the lie of ownership. The expectation that of some sophistication I can become more. Words being only words, there are other ways to consider knowledge aside from ownership. Acquaintance for example. The knowing that is acquaintance is not the knowledge that is ownership. It is passive, accepting, matter of fact. It relies on a sense of appointment which gives it passivity, from that, acceptance, and the objectivity that is ‘matter of fact’. This posture can be applied to any activity and the underlying lesson is revealed. Life’s lessons need not be learned. We can spiral round and round our appointment without ever reaching it. It is the appointment itself, Providence, that is the engine of possibility.

Fulfilling my life, personally and socially, by being actively mystic, needs my sustained effort and interest to succeed. This iteration of my identity, being fleshed out as I develop the Mystic Tourist, is different from anything I have done. I have always expected I would have to make a life absent any barrier between my personal spirituality and my social reality. It has never been clear as to how I would do it and now I find I am doing it. I am a surprised by what I am willing to write and publish here on my blog. I am an ordinary, run-of-the-mill person, with a driving interest in human spirituality. Its dominant influence leaves me no escape and I am left to choose it or be in certain conflict. I have known plenty of conflict concerning this issue and its remnants are with me still. This is my way out, to silence the conflict by taking up the task and let it thrive, or die, by its own measure. It is win win for me, I get the monkey off my back in exchange for a unique education. I have expected that I would make this happen so I am not without ideas, but this evolution of self, is uncharted. I have known satisfaction in my spiritual life and have had a very rich spiritual life experience. I considered that to be largely private. The only conflict I have ever had in all of this is the notion that I would, make public, my personal spiritual experience. That is the crux. All of the conflict in my life stems from it.

I have written of Demons, Devils, Satans. Of their behaviors, their appearance and my personal experience of them. I have written of Angels, Ascendant Beings, Deva. Of their appearance, behaviors and my personal experience of them. There is an intimacy in that. I could not be more personal and the voice inside of me that has long protested my doing just this, does not know where to go. I have destroyed its refuge.

This effort will result in my being able to experience spirituality in social environments or it will fail. My quest is empirical. I am sure that our spiritual nature is not secret. There is no need to join the right club, to be familiar with the right doctrine and purchase, by faith, the right dogma. True spirituality, for me, is independent of doctrine, dogma and religion. It must be without these boundaries if it is to have any promise.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2014

Growing Spirituality

What if, of what makes up what is, there is sentient, cognizant, aware, intelligent existence expressing the existence of sentiency, cognition, awareness and intelligence that is just a basic part of what is, of existence? That these qualities simply exist and that in addition to our experience, as physiologic life, purer examples, unfettered by temporal constraints, inhabit existence. What if of this there is a God entity? A gravity of these qualities and of this gravity a community of beings whose forms are independent of physiology. Unconstrained by time and space. What if we have a soul that is like that? Would that explain anything? Make sense? If it is so, and I like think it is, these beings know us. At least I think they do and I have had experiences that are supportive of my considerations.

This community would then be something we are a part of and our history is full of anecdotal accounts of its existence. I make such an account.

In my personal experience, involvement with the likes of these has reward. In my experience, to be with them in a cognizant state of shared awareness, requires, a certain calm and ease, a place of acceptance that is its own reward. Additionally, these are beings who are endowed with attributes, capabilities, functionality. They can be and are of profound assistance. That has been my personal experience, anecdotal as it may be. The most frightening experiences of my life have also involved these kind of ‘entities’ for lack of another word. They are transparent yet able to make an introduction and presentation that will not be ignored. That can be unsettling. Idiosyncrasy of thought, of mind, of subtle disposition seem to be an instrumental gravity by which cognitive awareness of this sort of presence is realized, or rather, appreciated.

I believe that these kinds of relationships are key to my happiness and success in life. I have no other incentive to pursue these concerns. Beyond a doubt, as an adult, I was my happiest and most content when these relationships flourished. At that time, I was careful to be guarded about my spiritual community of transparent entities, at least I like to think so. Many people have similar interests and I know many people. I have shared these experiences in a way that I imagined to be selective.

We choose our gravity. All of our considerations are then filtered as gravity does what gravity does; collect. It is in this way we find ourself in the midst of what I call providence. We are never given a different task but are always free to choose, if and when, we will do it. This is central to everything we can and will do. Our entire experience is the product of this single omnipresent opportunity. Around it we create the experience that is reality. It puzzles me that we choose to ignore the presence of these transparent entities. Ignorance has a gravity and when we choose it, it creates. Creativity, I think, is our only authority.

Proof. Do I imagine that I would prove all of this? No. I have no such hope and would consider it to be an exercise of folly. I write of personal experience. Anyone who would have such an experience is free to do it themselves and the incentives to do so are infinite, constant, everywhere. I only look to make myself comfortable with my own experience and to make that example in the open. To simply live the life I am drawn to. I am doing it. Writing about experience I have had and expecting the once rich spiritual experience I knew to return. I do expect that being spirituality open, vulnerable, will be a different experience. I expect it will be a more profound experience.

Will this tree bear fruit? Yes it will. Like you, I will have to wait and see just what that fruit is. One thing is certain, without the planting of seed, there is no fruit, and I have been planting seed.

Micheal, The Mystic Tourist ©2014

Drinking My Way to Enlightenment

I recently I conducted an inventory of sorts. In a muddle, I wrote my way to a better understanding of myself. Prior to my break from blogging, the time I spent conducting my inventory, I had managed to connect the Kundalini and that was exciting. I have connected the Kundalini before, but this go-round, is dissimilar to the experience I have known in the past. The connection that is the Kundalini brought into focus the disorder in my life and I quickly fell to the task of sorting it out.

For some time I have struggled with my habit of boozing. I like to drink and rekindled my drinking habit in 1999. I decided to begin a habit of drinking everyday. It was part of an overall effort to reconnect with my extended family of friends. It has been a long time since I realized that success and I am now well grounded by way of friendship. When I made my decision to drink, I expected that I would one day have to scuttle the habit and that day has been realized. While I do enjoy drinking, I prefer to be sober. If only I could do both.

I tend to be a person of extremes and so when my habit is everyday boozing, I tend to drink more than some people would think is prudent. I can and have moderated my habit to accommodate my excessive tendencies. Moderate drinking, by me, tends to be a lot of drink by some standards. Previously when I quit drink things were quite bad. Literally having ruined my life, and drinking being a big part of that, the decision to quit was one of last resort. Pretty easy. It also forced me to address the underlying cause of much of my habit at the time. Pain management. I had compacted my seventh thoracic vertebra and broken my neck in two different motorcycle accidents. I had ignored these injuries and done nothing to rehabilitate myself. To deal with the pain, I drank. I measured the strength of my drink by the strength of my pain. It ruined my life. I quit and spent two years out of work rehabilitating myself. The injuries were a direct result of my recklessness. A determination to force God to intervene in my life, by some kind of spontaneous enlightenment, or for attrition to end my life before I had lived long enough that I would have to take personal responsibility.

My drinking habit of late is by some standards excessive but it is in no way comparable to my youthful foolishness. At my age, drinking as much now as I did when I was young, would leave me destitute, unable to be socially productive.

Quitting without a crisis is a different animal. My decision is just a matter of personal preference. Instead of having a drink, I decide not to, over and over again. A bit tedious. All of the idiosyncrasies of my person continue to support the habit I invested so many years and my reputation in. I have every reason to believe that they will be replaced by a person more to my liking and healthier habits will emerge. That is happening and it is easier to keep my growing resolve as time slips past.

My habit has been to drink in the evening and I have been wanting, perhaps, a tea to enjoy instead. I finally did shop for tea. I first just looked at straight herbs and was lost. I stumbled across a blend, in the herbal tea aisle,  that had Kava Kava in it and then I thought, oh, Kava. I chose bulk Kava Kava to make my tea. Very nice. After a few days I remembered the therapeutic application of Kava in treating anxiety and that changing my boozing habit is an obvious trigger for anxiety. I am quite pleased with my choice and the tea is very nice. It has a texture and flavor that is soothing.

What I have noticed, since I put down the bottle, is the counterproductiveness of my boozing habit. I had imagined it was a way to relieve stress at the end of the day. Nothing could be further from the truth. It simply reinforced the expectation that the day was stressful and that I was in need of relief. In this way it caused of much of the stress for which I sought relief. Absent the decision to drink, I find that I am also absent  much of the imagined incentive.

I had become isolated from friends and the support that accompanies friendship. Drinking was a way for me to prioritize those relationships by being less spiritual in my affairs. I did make myself known again as a rather ordinary sort enjoying the party and the good time. In the end booze was creating more stress than it possibly could relieve and my friendships had always been independent of it. It remains to be seen what impact its absence will have on my overall well-being. Will it be instrumental in restoring the richness I once knew in my spiritual life?

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2014