Background Noise

I have written about Angles, Satan’s, Ascendant Beings, Devils, Divas and Demons. I have written that I have seen them and that I believe everyone has. Perhaps a little background is in order. Why do I believe such things? To begin with, I don’t think it is much of a stretch. We live in a world where religion is a dominate influence. Billions of people believe that what I personally have experienced is real. Many believe that only some long dead prophet, or saint, is allowed recognition as having credibility in matters of spiritual encounter. Some make exceptions for charismatic preachers or holy persons. They are often people gifted with the art of persuasion. I am not looking to persuade, only to represent.

When I was young, yet still a boy, I had imaginary friends. I know this because my mother told me. As a young adult, hanging around in her kitchen, she told me of her frustration with me when I was a young boy. I was well past toddling, a boy, and I was bringing with me my imaginary friends. I was quite sure they were real and that everyone could see them. I would introduce them to people, and by her telling, all of the adults in my life were frustrated by this. I must have been at least as frustrated as the adults.

Twenty five years later I am entering my thirties and recently sober. In order to work, I needed to drink. I had been drinking a lot. Giving up drink meant giving up work. I tried to keep working, but absent drink, the pain just gobbled me up and put an end to it. I eventually landed in the office of one of the areas most respected orthopedic surgeons. He put my ex-rays up on the board, and as the light began to flicker behind it, he flipped it off and started yelling at me. As he did that he hurried around his office and collected all of the muscle relaxant samples he could find, put them in a box, and handed it to me. He told me that people in my condition did not recover, I was not going to get better. I needed to go back to school and learn to sit at a desk. Physical labor, was not an option for me.

Frank was looking at images taken two-and-a-half years earlier, of an injury I suffered a five years prior to my appointment in his office. He knew what I was doing to address the issue, and that I was only in his office because I was tired of Lynn, my girlfriend, griping at me all the time. She was convinced I could not possibly be having the problems I was having, because, I had never seen a M.D. When he was done with his rant about people in my condition, never recovering, he told me that some people ignored his advise and recovered anyway, but, I was not going to be one of those and I damn well better take his advise. For my own good. A rough manner but I really liked him. I ignored his advise. I am pretty sure he expected I would.

I just wanted to be able to stand up straight and not be in so much pain. I had been carrying my right shoulder several inches lower than my left for five years. Eight to ten inches lower. I was using acupressure, psychotherapy, visualization, I was sleeping on a board, all in an effort to straighten out my back and level off my shoulders. I was so uncomfortable that it was common to get to the end of my day, and then realize, I had spent it out-of-body. Floating above myself detached. A very bizarre experience.

The initial recovery was an uninterrupted year-and-a-half followed with two three month set-backs. I spent two years restoring my health enough to return to physical labor. Even then, the pain I experienced would sometimes drive me to tears. I worked through it. To this day I am still working through it.

The recovery process was a spiritual awakening. Extremely visual. It was very powerful and I was moved to give up my marijuana habit as well as the booze. I needed to be sure that my experience was not being influenced by the psychoactive qualities of the herb, so I gave it up. The intensity of my experience was in no way harmed by this decision.

Along the way I bought the Book of Enoch. I read bits-and-pieces of Enoch and had the experience of reading between the lines. Very interesting. As I read, words that were not written were the words that I was reading. Okay. I did not expect that.

I bought the book because I was interested in Angles, and I knew, that Enoch named Angels. Turns out Enoch also names Satan’s. After the “between-the-lines” experience, I came to accept that the book was largely fiction, and its value, was woven between the words. It was not written down and understanding that was the wisdom found between-the-lines.

My interest in Angels was aided by meeting a few. I was surprised to meet Sarakiel. The angel just showed up, hung around for three days, and was always in the company of three cherub. I would notice the presence from time to time as I went about my daily business. That was the experience. Another angel showed up late one night. A presence outside of the house. It was on the same plane as the floor of the house, but outside, suspended above the ground as if the floor somehow extended there. The blinds were closed and the angel was beyond them. That detail did not obscure the image. It was a comfortable soothing and exciting experience. I did not expect to meet these and it was my impression that they intended to meet me. It was as if they approached me and introduced themselves.

These are neither isolated experiences nor are they the only kind of spiritual encounters I have had. I will chronicle one more for the sake of texture. I met Ikisat one day. Ikisat is a character mentioned in the Book of Enoch. I was trying to figure out what Ikisat was. I thought perhaps, a specific sin. The book is indexed much like the Bible with each line numbered for reference sake. I called a Catholic priest to ask if he knew about this word. He asked for the chapter and verse and checked his book, a Catholic version of the same. His text referred to Ikisat as the serpent, not by name, just the serpent. I was irritated because I considered this somehow disingenuous. I continued my quest to better understand Ikisat.

Some days later I was startled by a serpent in my lap. Shiny, black, unpleasant. I then understood why the Catholic Book of Enoch called Ikisat a serpent. Ikisat is a Satan that is a serpent. I do not recall how I separated myself from it, but I did, and I suffered no harm. Just got schooled.

This was a very rich time in my life that fell into disrepair when my wife left me to raise our five-year old son and eight year old daughter on my own. She worked very hard to make that experience difficult for all involved, and the spiritual richness I had enjoyed, slipped away, displaced by my distractions.

I am certain that my decisions alone interrupted my rich spiritual life, and that providence, has laid the redress at my feet, uninterrupted.  I hope that writing as the Mystic Tourist will open a chapter that is again filled with the rich comfort of my past spiritual fullness. I expect that it will and that it will lead to an even greater measure of spiritual contentment than I previously knew.

That is why I write this. It is uncomfortable to be so revealing. This blog is public and I am not generally inclined to expose myself on such a personal level. I believe that it is the path laid before me and that is why I do it.

Thank you for reading.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2018

Finding Truth in a World of Lies

If not the life we live, what is prayer? We all pray. Panic, anxiety, chaos, doubt, blame, fear, pride, form disposition, attitude presented within our spiritual environment. While I am confident that it is not usually the case, prayer is most useful when it is deliberate. Panic or fear do not generally calm us to be prayerful from a positive posture of mind. Anxiety tends to be chronic and its prayer perpetuates it. Chaos, doubt and blame work the same way to diminish a more useful presence of mind, and pride, bends poor attributes to seem proper.

Pride is a common theme and spiritual posture.

Many do value pride and use pride to hammer poor qualities into the cultural trophies we all desire. It is marshaled to rescue us from all manner of slight and harm. We imagine we deserve our trophies, that we have somehow earned them. On the other hand, the flip side, we imagine our failure is earned as well and blame ourselves for that.

When we look at the world around us, considering the circumstance of people less fortunate, people born into dire difficulties; how true is our pride? None-the-less, it is a useful hammer to forge our circumstance, no matter how dire its outlook or good its fortune, into something more comfortable. Something we can own as if we earned it. This conveniently allows us to blame others for their condition, good or bad, because pride requires this juxtaposition if it is to be true.

Prayer, the way we structure our identity in relationship to the myriad of concerns in which we are, is done in concert with everyone and everything else. Our mindfulness gathers around us a supporting cast. This is prayer. The world we shape is our collective prayer. There are many impositions generated of this. They are required if our collective posture is to be maintained.

In my experience, there are spiritual beings that work to fulfill our prayer. I have seen them. Some are Satans, some are Demons, some are Devils, some are Angles, some are Divas and some are Ascendant Beings. They work with us to manage our creation, and, to the extent to which our creation is false, we are its God. We alone are responsible for the lies we believe.

My prayer is to walk in this world, the world of lies, and be true.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist © 2018

Spirit Puppet

We are spiritual beings and it has been my observation that much of our engagement is of a spiritual nature. For the most part this goes unnoticed, or more accurately, we ignore it. Our spirits mingle and we form the parameters by which we are understood by others as well as our self. These arrangements form perception, and we consider our self, and are considered by others, by the subtlety our spirit self in concert with the whole of our spirit community. Truth is, except for our ignorance, there is nothing subtle about the spirit world we share. We share a consensus of pretence by which we collectively ignore the spirit world that is inseparable from us. The subtlety of the spirit world has to do with a subtlety, or relaxation of mind, by which the spirit world is recognizable. A relaxation of perception by which a person might become aware of spirit.

Spirits are a constant presence in our lives. They are what animate us and give us life, we are known by a spiritual composition recognizable and representative of our animal presence, yet, the spirit world is very loosely tethered to the animal and is as a matrix that structures what is considered to be as well as how things are considered to be. That in turn determines what is allowed or considered possible. We tend to have a go along to get along approach to our spiritual reality. When we are agitated our spiritual surroundings amplify, or broadcast it. When we are settled, content, our spirit surroundings are as well. Disposition and attitude are as the sirens who call spirit to the gravity that is our animal and then maintain the spiritual filter through which we consider reality. In the human community there is a constant dialog, a spiritual dialog that maintains the status quo. It is from this status that change is introduced or the status is maintained.

To change the agreements, by which reality is considered, a discussion is needed. Most of that discussion is between spirit representations of our animal presence. Thoughts, words, actions, shared between people, stir the spirit and spirit negotiates. This activity can be observed and I do observe it. I see and recognize the spiritual representations of the people I am involved with. If my perception of this is true, then it is what we all do, but it would seem to be a largely ignored activity. We let spirit do the talking while we do the walking and very few recognize their spirit, its activity, and the communal spiritual reality we share.

I developed my spiritual sensitivity decades back. In the years since I experienced a personal betrayal that lasted for several years. That affected my attitude and I have yet to fully recover. I expect my incomplete recovery is due to misplacement. No one can betray me, I can only betray myself, regardless of the efforts of others. The structure of pain and injury is difficult to unravel and it is never quite clear how we are holding on to it until we let it go. One of the detriments of my injured attitude is my response to the spirit world. On noticing a spirit presence, I react, by exclaiming “What do you want!” The punctuation is not in error. I am not asking the spirit presence a question, I am just irritated by the constant reminder that I am out of sync spiritually.

This blog is an attempt to grow out of my injured attitude and restore myself to good spiritual health. To be comfortable spiritually and grow success from my spirit. Spirit sees in the dark as it knows no darkness. The animal knows darkness and can not see. It longs for what is familiar, as a comfort, even if it hurts. The spirit would lead but the animal must follow and the only place to go is where we already are. To be here now and let the past and the future go. We create the past and the future but when we hold on to them they pull us away from creativity, from now, the only time known to exist.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2014

Peeling My Spiritual Onion

I entertain the spirit of community, of empowerment, of opportunity and flexibility.

*   *   *   *   *

Choosing spirit. We can consider ourself, the rumblings of our mind and the way we carry that into our life, our community, as having spirit or being spiritual. We animate ourself and that which animates us is our spirit. We build a structure of mind, of thought, that a spirit, or spirits, find suitable. These spirits then act out, they craft and build a place, behaviors and conditions that suit their character. We imagine we are these spirits but we only host them. I write this as if it were true but it is only true that I have written it, that I make the claim that I believe it. As a mystic, I consider these things and my experience does, or does not, bear them out. It is clear to me that spirit behaves this way because I have tested it and it works. Might I have created the expectation and then fit myself into its mold? Well then that too has a power and influence in-kind. I accept that a rose is a rose no matter what I call it.

As the MysticTourist I am doing my private spiritual work in a public forum. Everything I write here represents and chronicles my private spiritual journey. Not quite, but very nearly in its entirety. Some of my personal work is so tedious, and slow to produce anything, that I have to take a break from the blog while I work it out. That is the only time I am not making an active contribution to the blog.

My spiritual journey has taken me into the public realm. Spiritual support is different for public spiritual living than it is for private-personal-spiritual experience. My spiritual approach to public life has long been broken and there is, of course, a spirituality I host to preserve the condition. Because I am consumed with mysticism, with human spirituality, my success is tied to it as well and I look to the spirituality of success. To assemble first the spiritual components and then have them assemble what success they prefer. That my spirit is my success and it expresses itself by making an example of itself as my person.  The spirit always makes a true representation of itself. If it looks like failure, that is the success because the spirit is true. If I am then to make human spirituality my success I must first choose my spirit.

Community. Empowerment. Opportunity. Flexibility. In considering these as one thing, as community, and its gifts of empowerment and opportunity, including the mobility that is flexibility, there is an expectation or spiritual characteristic implied. There is a spirit of community, of empowerment, of opportunity and flexibility. What I hope to do is draw the human spirit of community, as empowerment, opportunity and flexibility, to animate and build its example as my person. It is a different spirit than I have been hosting. Being alive I am always animated by some spirit or spirits. The task of identifying the spirits I would prefer to vacate and replacing them with what does entertain me better is a bit like peeling an onion. Each layer needs attention and as a spiritual exercise the expectation is that the peel I am struggling with will finally reveal the secret. It is a constant hope. It is true that the struggle we are engaged with at any given time is the struggle that will reveal the secret, the treasure, because there never was a secret and the treasure was always ours.

The culmination of my off-blog work, during the last ten days, was an affirmation: “I entertain the spirit of community, of empowerment, of opportunity and flexibility”. The spirit, or spirits, I seek, are of terrestrial origin. The community I am choosing to be spiritually active in is the human community. In looking to fashion, in the human community, the traditional expression considered to be success, I am using mysticism to realize the applicable values of human spirituality. To be openly spiritual I have to first start with a place able to support the non terrestrial spiritual community. A place built by terrestrial human spirits that mimics the values of good spirits not bound to flesh. Such a place is suitable for the spiritual community to interact with terrestrial human life. That is the plan, a work in progress.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2014

The Room With No Door

As a child, I knew, what the adults in my life imagined were imaginary friends. As an adult, I have had young children introduce me to their ‘imaginary’ experience. One such event stands out. At the time I was working with a crystal ball. It has been my experience that quartz often collects energy but this piece shed energy. It was very energetic but did not collect energetic imprints. I was visiting family and staying in a home with a toddler who had yet to learn to talk. She enjoyed playing with the ball and we played with it together. While doing this she was able to communicate with me. Completely nonverbal. Very cool. She wanted to know if I could see what she could see and she introduced me to a wild, very active, group of quite small energies. Like a bunch of tiny persons who were non-terrestrial, or at least, had no physical form. She clearly wanted to see if I would acknowledge their existence and I did. I have been unable to reach a determination as to what they were.

The child I mentioned is now a young woman, and while very imaginative, she has no recollection of her ‘imaginary’ childhood acquaintances.

What is it that separates us from this childhood reality that seems so common? Might this childhood experience be spiritual and might these spirits expect us to remember them, for us to invite them to join us as adults? I think they are and they do. It is as if we leave them in another room and then build a new house without that room. There is a casual joyful happiness that children often have that is uncommon in the adult world we make for ourselves. I think there is a relationship between the spiritual experience of young children and their often casual sense of joy and happiness. We are forgetful and we tend to leave both of these dispositions in our early childhood, usually forgetting we ever were this way and unable to remember the way. To replicate it as adults. Why?

I think much of it is cultural. Here in the west we conquered the shamanistic, earth-based, spiritual practices of our ancestors. Often with extreme brutality. We tend not to value personal spiritual experience and instead expect a socially centralized compartment for our spiritual concerns. We expect that our spiritual life is best-managed by others. That some authority, outside of our self, is in charge. We expect that we need the guidance and intervention of others to be spiritually content. We assign our spiritual well-being to false authorities, someone other than our self. I don’t know that if shamanistic sensibilities had won the day, that our spiritual concerns would be less centralized. None-the-less, western culture diminishes the importance of personal spiritual experience and places spiritual authority outside of personal experience. We are expected to rely on an external groupthink authority. We think the truth can be written down and fixed in place. Words, written or otherwise, can only hope to convey a thought or a feeling and are neither. Truth, to be of actionable value, needs to be personally experienced. It is the message that is not spoken or written down. Words allude to it but it makes itself understood.

How do we bring, into our distracted reality, a more comprehensive understanding of reality? As adults, we dismiss what we consider to be imaginary childhood experience. Having long ago dismissed, and forgotten, our own experience, as well as how to recover it, we enforce this norm against our children. It is an obvious act of ignorance, to dismiss such a common experience as being, not only imaginative, but also make-believe. We might first accept that it is an experience that is very common. These are real experiences but what is the cause? Do we generate the experience or is it a straight forward observation of what does exist? It has been my personal observation that it is both. Much of this spiritual realm, we create, by having been imbued with creative authority. The charge we are given, the charge I believe I am given, is to create a state that is suitable for my soul. To create a gravity, of my temporal being, that attracts the spirit that is my soul, a more durable representation of awareness, sentiency, being and existence. A truer me. It is this spiritual expression, my soul, that would have me invite it to be me. It wants to walk as I do in the company of men and women. The temporal person, I have created, to walk in the company of men and women, feels threatened, after all, what is it when flesh blood and bone are returned to dust? This anxiety, generated by our brief appearance as terrestrial lifeforms, is then as an armor that shields us from our soul. We feel threatened.

I am beginning to think that the path to the mountaintop is happiness. To restore the happiness that embraced me as a young child. This happiness resides in the same place that I knew as a child. It is not so much a memory to restore as it is a place to return to. Its residence is not fixed to time and it waits for us to return, or to create, the gravity by which it is known.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2014

The Gravity of Being

Transitioning from a guarded spiritual experience to one of openness, I must be at spiritual ease, even among those who can not accept what I experience. To make public the experience of spirit, establishing in every opportunity of community, the spiritual and the terrestrial being.

Between terrestrial life, its beginning and its end, is life. Flesh without its spirit is dead and we have no evidence our spirit expires with our dead body. We do imagine that our body, being animated and with spirit, is that spirit. It is not. It knows our spirit and our spirit is part of a spiritual community. The spiritual awareness we have, as terrestrial beings, tends to be limited, distracted by our gross nature. Our animated form is dead except for its spirit. There is an inherent anxiety in that. When I consider nature, there is a consistency that I am drawn to; gravity. I imagine a cellular gravity and it creates polarities, movement, electricity, chemical reaction, etc. I have not studied the science of this but am quite certain that some gravity, perhaps by a different name, a different understanding, is at play. What I see is gravity, by whatever name. I see gravity as fundamental, a theme that is basic in all that is known to exist. A constant that must be expressed and respected. The being, that is the bearing of a terrestrial life form, creates a gravity that attracts a spirit.

Of terrestrial life there is a temporary being that mimics spirit. We form, I believe, a temporal gravity of being, or beings. This community then mimics the spiritual community of which we belong displacing it and we create reality.

I have seen spirits that are without terrestrial form. I do not think that is particularly unusual. Young children, I think, are particularly receptive to the spiritual life that we are connected to. It does not take long to get distracted. We develop other concerns and a gravity that works to fulfill those concerns. We can return to our spiritual orientation, developing a gravity that sheds barriers to spirit and draws to us the community of which our spirit heralds. It seems that this effort, in human social environments, has an ‘original’ handicap. That handicap is the social environment and its gravity that drew us, as children, away from spiritual concerns and acquaintances. By this process our bearing became fixed to physiologic-social concerns. Bearing creates gravity. This gravity, centered on physical needs, collects and in turn separates us from our spiritual origin. Drawing the expressions of our spirit-origin into human social circumstance, requires a gravity, that is unusual but no less ordinary than any other human activity.

By creating a bearing, the intention to do such a thing, gravity begins. If the bearing is true, and remains true, it creates an environment of both terrestrial and spiritual beings. The subtleties of doing this can not be overstated. It is not an achievement. There can not be sense of achievement. No merit. That tends to be quite contrary to the bearing we develop as we build the identity that becomes our terrestrial person.

I am between the private comfort of spiritual acquaintance and a casual openness, accepting the rationals that would challenge my spiritual experience, while simultaneously enjoying spiritual living. To greet skepticism with approval and not feel oppressed. A comfort in being spiritually aware and humanly engaged, simultaneously, without serving as a partition between the two. A casual comfort or bridge willing to engage, or not, all the while being fully engaged. I think this middle ground, I seek, is where I will once again know the casual comfort of non-terrestrial spiritual beings.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2014

The Marshal Plan

Commitment to a cause, to an objective, marshals support, forging it without questioning, from anything imagined or real. This is a fundamental construct. You can see it play out in the lives of all people. Regardless of what our success is, this lies beneath it and whatever our condition is, that is our success. Understanding this is indispensable as we work to become as we would choose to be. The power of suggestion, wanting things to be compliant, proof of our position, can not be overstated. It is in understanding this authority that we can best manage possibility. Things may not be the way we expect, the way we have decided that they are. Even when our considerations are not true, we will marshal the support we need, to believe. In considering existence, experience, from my mystical perspective, this awareness is also a fundamental construct.

Could anything be different than it in fact is?  There is a certain omnipotence about this. There is an absence of mystery. Things are as they are and can be no other way. We are, and so, not only can we understand how things are, we would not exist without being in a state that is an expression of that understanding. Can a person know everything? I say it is impossible not to know everything. What we can not do is own it and knowledge, often, is the lie of ownership. The expectation that of some sophistication I can become more. Words being only words, there are other ways to consider knowledge aside from ownership. Acquaintance for example. The knowing that is acquaintance is not the knowledge that is ownership. It is passive, accepting, matter of fact. It relies on a sense of appointment which gives it passivity, from that, acceptance, and the objectivity that is ‘matter of fact’. This posture can be applied to any activity and the underlying lesson is revealed. Life’s lessons need not be learned. We can spiral round and round our appointment without ever reaching it. It is the appointment itself, Providence, that is the engine of possibility.

Fulfilling my life, personally and socially, by being actively mystic, needs my sustained effort and interest to succeed. This iteration of my identity, being fleshed out as I develop the Mystic Tourist, is different from anything I have done. I have always expected I would have to make a life absent any barrier between my personal spirituality and my social reality. It has never been clear as to how I would do it and now I find I am doing it. I am a surprised by what I am willing to write and publish here on my blog. I am an ordinary, run-of-the-mill person, with a driving interest in human spirituality. Its dominant influence leaves me no escape and I am left to choose it or be in certain conflict. I have known plenty of conflict concerning this issue and its remnants are with me still. This is my way out, to silence the conflict by taking up the task and let it thrive, or die, by its own measure. It is win win for me, I get the monkey off my back in exchange for a unique education. I have expected that I would make this happen so I am not without ideas, but this evolution of self, is uncharted. I have known satisfaction in my spiritual life and have had a very rich spiritual life experience. I considered that to be largely private. The only conflict I have ever had in all of this is the notion that I would, make public, my personal spiritual experience. That is the crux. All of the conflict in my life stems from it.

I have written of Demons, Devils, Satans. Of their behaviors, their appearance and my personal experience of them. I have written of Angels, Ascendant Beings, Deva. Of their appearance, behaviors and my personal experience of them. There is an intimacy in that. I could not be more personal and the voice inside of me that has long protested my doing just this, does not know where to go. I have destroyed its refuge.

This effort will result in my being able to experience spirituality in social environments or it will fail. My quest is empirical. I am sure that our spiritual nature is not secret. There is no need to join the right club, to be familiar with the right doctrine and purchase, by faith, the right dogma. True spirituality, for me, is independent of doctrine, dogma and religion. It must be without these boundaries if it is to have any promise.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2014