Soul Survivor

Spirit. That which animates the animal is spirit and without it the animal is dead. As animals we create spirits that in turn animate us. We are the animal host for spirit. When the animal is gone, what then of its spirit? We are familiar with spiritual expressions that we share and have in common. Emotions are an obvious expression of the spirit we host. We have all known anger, grief, happiness, contentment, want, frustration etc. The spirit we choose reinforces itself emotionally, behaviourally, mindfully and we develop a personal psychology by which we are a known identity. We can and do choose the spiritual signature by which we are known. I believe that spirit is the creative force that is the life our animal knows. I believe it is life. Having said that, much of the spiritual experience we enjoy, I believe, is of a temporal nature and knows no durable quality.

I believe it is easy to make ourself, entirely, a temporal being of no durable quality and I consider that to be ownership. The notion that by any means we can deserve, or earn something. We can not. There is another way to consider ourself that does not include ownership; allowing the absolute quality of spirit, time and space. Life as the animal knows it, gifted to absolute-spirit, by the animal host. In Christianity, the culture I have been born into, we are taught that only a God can do this and we are taught that one man, and only one man, was also God. To be blunt, or as I believe Jesus would himself say, that is a lie. In Christian doctrine it is made clear that we should not even look for the truth but instead to accept it on faith. Faith being the only way the truth could be known and your faith must follow what you are told is true without question. Of course you are allowed to question within the parameters of the established faith; that is farce. Please accept my apology, I know it sounds rude to be so blunt, direct and honest. I have added these considerations up, as my lifetime, and have found my consideration, as written here, to be what seems to me to be true.

The story of Christ is meaningless if Jesus is God. Its only value is if it tells us of our human condition. Of who we are. A woman gave him birth, there is no mystery in that. If we can just be honest about that we begin to find our way. So what would Jesus do and does it matter?

I can accept what the New Testament alludes to as being true but not the testament itself. I know the history of the testament as well as the claims made about it and I can not accept the claims as true. As to what Jesus would do, I think he would do what I am doing, see for himself. Look, listen, question. Place all of his confidence in what is true, what is absolute, what is God, to have faith only in that and not what others claim about it. To accept that things can only be as they are and that a person committed to that discovery will find what makes an example and demonstration of itself, the truth. It needs no advocate and no one can take possession of it, yet, a person can make their self available to it by ridding their self of what displaces it. That is the message, the promise of Christ, that ordinary people do ordinary things even if it is unusual.

So what then of spirit, can we choose a spirit that is true? Did spirit create us or do we create spirit, and does it matter?

If there is a true spirit I think it would be the soul, a soul that can not be saved, but rather, is itself salvation. It does not belong to you, you belong to it. It created you and enjoys you, no matter what you do. You are forgiven and forgiveness is the narrow gate on the narrow path. The key to this gate is compassion. There is no compassion without forgiveness and compassion is an absolute because it knows only a single measure and can not be exhausted. Should a person truly be compassionate, and maintain forgiveness, they will also know, or be acquainted with, the truth, because the truth is absolute and all absolutes are of the same single measure. Certainly God is absolute, whatever God might be.

What of this forgiveness, this narrow path and gate? Who is it for? I can only forgive myself. When I have done that forgiveness exists in this world and anyone in need of it can find some measure of it in me. We are all the same, as likely to be one way as another and this is why forgiveness for the one, for the self, is forgiveness for the other. You remember, “There but for the grace of God go I”.

So then there is the spirit of forgiveness which is the gate by which compassion and its spirit is known. It is a narrow path and easy to fall from forgiveness. In the struggle to remain on the path we are taught how, what and who to forgive. Eventually we reach the gate.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2014

When Love Fails

Love. What is love? Is it just a choice we make to insulate our emotions from less desirable feelings? Do we love others or is love something we have for our self that we in turn share with others? It is very personal and I expect that no one can love another without first loving their self. We may be part of a community that helps us to love our self and we may truly regard another person, so affectionately, that we are in love. People who love must love themselves if there is to be any love for others.

There are many expressions of love. Love of family and friends, of people in general, of life, of different things and activities, and no discussion of love is complete without the illusive complication that is romantic love.

Let us look at romantic love. Different cultures approach it differently and have different considerations. Across all cultures, I think our hopes and aspirations concerning love, are largely the same and this is true for romance. Certainly love is fraught with failure. It only takes one participant to ruin a marriage and family. Those who are innocent bystanders in such a failure are left to make the best of it and often the salvage falls to one person who steps up to carry the load. This of course is the case when children are involved and a marriage has become poisonous. In such a situation one person can be the difference while the other is so toxic as to threaten everyone’s welfare. Of course both parents in a failed marriage can be supportive and work for the good of the family. That is so easy, so obvious and simple but it is rarely the case. Often neither parent consider the best path forward.

Love is very personal and romantic love is as personal as we get. When a loved one uses this intimacy to harm their partner the violation is durable. Such a person does not love their self or they would not do such a thing. I think, the cause of this sort of dysfunction is often due to misplaced worth. Many people think it is someone else’s responsibility to make them happy. When this type is not happy, they blame the person they have charged with the task, of their happiness, for the failure.

When love fails badly where can a person turn for the resolve to do and build what seems best? It is important not to treat a toxic ex in kind, especially while the marriage is coming apart and then while raising children in the aftermath. There is something that is not love, it is similar but it is not fragile and it has a strength that is inexhaustible; compassion. Compassion is indifferent. It makes no judgement of worth. It is enough. We can choose not to make our self available to it but it is always available. There is no weight greater than it and it can not break. It can not have, and knows, no favorite. Its measure is the same no matter what, it is boundless. We choose it and it is there.

Compassion is an absolute because of its qualities or at least its qualities demonstrate its absolute nature. I consider absolutes touchstones for whatever God might be. It would be a failure to define God and so I am comfortable with whatever God might be and when I consider God I do so by observation of the absolutes; compassion, truth and understanding. When we define God we simply create God in our own image and we all know how troublesome that has been. I have no concern for what God might think of me, if God can even do such, and instead, I strive to do what is best. I do not care about being right or wrong. I see right and wrong as the two sides of the same worthless coin whose purchase has no value. In doing what is best it is not possible to be wrong and there is no need to be right.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

A Vacancy of Optimism

In wondering what might be amiss in my life and looking to divine an answer, I was directed to seek the counsel of an ascendant being. Someone from the eighteenth century, a historical figure, but I had no idea who it might be. I decided I would find the person’s name by Googling eighteenth century historical figures. From there I chose the ten most influential figures and discovered James Watt. I asked James to help me and he did. Thanks James.

You are thinking, what is an ascendant being? Some people refer to them as saints, I do not care for the term as it implies superiority and that to my mind is a lie. An ascendant being is simply a person who is no longer repeating the cycle of incarnation. They have not so much escaped it as thy have come to understand it. They have resolved their ego to also be their soul. It is an act of forgiveness, but forgiveness needs to be for the self. Not some other self, but yourself. If you can forgive that person then you are done and you have forgiven all for everything.

I have been a bit self-deprecating but I have not understood why. Like any bad condition, without correction, it just gets worse. That is no accident, just natures way of focusing our attention. I have tried all sorts of things to curb this poor habit of thought and have expected I would somehow turn a corner and get past it. On working with James I was directed to restore hope to my attitude by replacing self-deprecation with optimism. Well that makes perfect sense. I had lost my sense of optimism back in 1994 and 1995 and I needed to return to those times to release the emotional anchors that bound me there. After I did that James advised me that I needed to identify four words that would replace my history of self-deprecation. Optimism, self-respect, self-control and opportunity. Wow, works like magic.

Of course I did not realize that I had forgotten to be optimistic, had I realized that I would have changed it a decade or more ago. Thanks James, you were a huge help. Now let’s see what I can do with my life. Is this the turning point I have been working toward?

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

The Definition of God

My beliefs run like this; I was born and raised Roman Catholic. My interests, curiosity and all of my personal drive are dominated by God. I have no interest in whether or not God exists or how God might be defined. I am sure that if I define God, then that is a God that I have created. I let God define God’s self without any interest in what that definition might be.

I am confidant that God is, or God is naught. Nothing can change that, my confidence lies with things being as they are and no other way. My devotion, to God, is such.

What about Jesus Christ? Jesus dominates my life as well. I am a mystic I think he and I have a lot in common. If there is any one person who is as a hero to me, it is Jesus as I understand him to be. He is my role model. I am certain that a woman gave him birth and am not confused as to how that happened. He was as you or I are, an ordinary human being and that is the power of his message. Those who make claims of his deity, have stolen his message and taken what they think is his power. They have profited and the church they claim was not founded by him. It is the work of others who came after him. If you or I would know what Jesus knew, we must take a similar path. That is the much alluded to, Way, Truth and Light. If we walk where he did, do as he did, we will be as he was and how else can we walk from our mothers womb to the grave?

I believe in absolutes. That if I consider what is absolute and work to incorporate that into my way, I resolve myself with God, because whatever God is, absolutes, must have their bearing there. I know of three absolutes and one gate that is also the narrow path. Truth, Compassion and Understanding are absolutes. The Truth is boundless, it knows no harm or injury. Even what is not true, a lie, gains its support from the Truth and the Truth remains unscathed. Compassion only knows a single measure and can not be exhausted. It also knows no boundary and we only need choose it to learn that. Understanding, there is nothing that can not be understood and all that is expresses that by its very existence. Nothing is organized well enough to exist without Understanding. It is absolute. The narrow path is Forgiveness and its gate is the opportunity to forgive. The key to the gate is the act of Forgiveness.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

Samyaza Master of Darkness

I have not gone away but there are times that I have nothing to write. Today, I will write of Samyaza. He is an unhappy sort and he will not let that go. He is miserable and misery loves company. It seems I have been keeping this miserable one company and that has been my plague. There is but one thing that rids him, forgiveness, but he does not want it. He will not have it. It is just as well, it is not for him, it is for me. When I have it he goes away because he does not want it and will not have it.

Samyaza is a Satan. I can see him now but they prefer to be unseen. They live in shadows and darkness, never in the light. Only when we realize they exist, and let them go, do we glimpse them as we pass into light. Samyaza is a Satan, who, will not let go. He is all hands. He has the appearance of a star but instead of tongues of fire and light, he emanates darkness. It is hands everywhere, holding tight and never letting go.

Are Satans imaginary? They are in this respect; we imagine we do not see them and that is the darkness that we share with them.

I have three guardians that watch over me, Uriel, the guardian of abundance, Phanuel, the guardian of providence and Sarakiel, the guardian of fate. I have been asking them to guide me and help me. I have known these three for some time but my sight of them is as a memory. Since I accidentally rekindled my acquaintance with Samyaza, my visual recognition of Angles has been compromised. Thankfully I did have a sustained and gratifying association with Angles prior to my fall from grace. That experience has been an oasis of confidence, like a mirage in a difficult landscape.

Falling in with Satans is as an envelope of darkness and Angels do not walk there. You can not see them in darkness. The way Samyaza binds us to darkness is easy to understand. For me, I fell into what I considered to be a great difficulty. It overwhelmed me and ruined my life. Had I considered this differently, Samyaza would not have found me and made me his companion. I was unable to avoid old habits of thought and darkness seeped back into my life. You see, I did not always walk with Angels.

None of this is bad or good as much as it just is. For me, I don’t know that I would have started this blog, if not for Samyaza. The blog is my method of working my way back into the light. To walk again with my Angelic friends. I miss them so and I have long-expected that my destiny is to share my walk with humanity. To bring the spiritual world and the temporal world to the same place. There is nothing in my world that does not revolve around that gravity. I can not escape it. All of my joy all of my rage, it comes from my sense of destiny and my struggle with it. This gravity, my sense of destiny, has brought me all of my rage and every success. All by the fickle nature of choice.

This is my life. My spiritual life, I write about it here. How about you, how is your spiritual life? Mine is good but only when my choices are good. It is just that simple.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

The Way The Truth and The Light

Justice. The first gift of compassion is justice. Compassion simply knows no prejudice or boundary. Its status is; Always enough. It can not be exhausted. The gift of justice is truth but without compassion truth is the needle in the haystack. The gift of truth is light and we see as things actually are. Justice without truth lets us tell our self what we want to be true. The gift of light is who we are. Outside of the light there are only shadows and we only know ‘how’ we are.

In all of this compassion is the key, forgiveness is the gate and then we are able to see. This is the way the truth and the light. It is the path to spiritual living. It is my path and I have no place to go except to be there. It is easy to be distracted by shadows and give them chase. When we do, we fall from grace and in our concern about how we are, who gets lost. I am not sure if I can bring who I am into full realization but there are stories of people who have. I have been a confusion of reluctance and certainty in this regard. Except for the encouragement of lore there is no guide to do this. Stories of others, just like you or I, who have done it. For some reason I have always felt this is what I have to do. That certainty, historically, has stirred strong emotion and that has never helped. My tendency is to be angry that I should see things, believe as I do. That is a tiresome position that I hope to wear out or just walk away from.

Of course I doubt. That is of little help and as a shadow to give chase. Except for this notion that I have to do this I would have taken a different path long ago and had a very different life. I have never been able to shake this certainty, this sense of what I have to do. It is what drives me. When I am angry about it or otherwise distracted, it never takes me to a good place.

Who are you? What drives you?

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2013

Odds and Ends

Allow the value of living for liberation and self realization through secular mysticism to establish the contentment my life has long desired. End the conflict enjoyed and celebrated throughout my life and begin my true purpose. Starting with self-degradation; end it. Admit that I enjoy being mystic and end my lifelong campaign of outrage at being mystically inclined.

Well that would be a fresh start.

This does seem the crux of my conundrum and certainly the task I have toiled at for many years. Even as I struggle to end my sense of outrage it remains a pivotal structure in my life. Why? This is a riddle I have worked on since 1981. In that year I had finally had my fill of unchecked rage against myself. Against being mystic. It was a poor investment that increasingly looked like it would not result in the consequence I had in mind. The intent of my rage was to cause the end of my life, by attrition, or force an intervention from God. My thinking was that I did not chose or want to be mystic and so the rage would somehow amend that. I expected the reckless nature of my life would, through attrition, cost me my life or God would decide it was time to intervene. Foolish? Well rage does not bring out the best in a person. I do not know why the rage is still there. Perhaps the effort, twelve years of rage, has given me this gift. It is not very nicely wrapped but the binding seems quite secure. It is likely that, held captive by my decision as a young man to rage, is a key. A linchpin keeping this package of rage intact and my effort here, as the Mystic Tourist, has allowed me to return to this earlier time and change the past. I would so love to get this done. I have worked at for nearly 32 years. Perhaps the 33rd year has some numerological charm.

I do tend to be upset with myself over something pretty much all the time. Not that I think I should be or that I think I have a reason to be. It is a product of the disrepair my life fell into at the end of my marriage. A condition that has been steadily improving for a good time now as I root out the recesses of my life where unhealthy habit is able to take hold. It all has purpose and as long as I follow my discomforts to a source, it really does not bother me. There is great satisfaction in discovering how and where stuff like this can get stuck in a person’s life and then rooting it out. Each success is very gratifying and my quality of life appreciates markedly. I am happy with my life. The upset is just a tool for spiritual growth. I did lose it, this sense of being upset with myself, for a number of years. That was a time when I could not do the work that is getting done now. I do think it unlikely that I would know the progressive success that has been my life today if it were not for the calm and satisfaction I knew in those years. Those years of spiritual calm and satisfaction were not free. I worked very hard to get there and it was extraordinary. Having known such satisfaction I was surprised at how far I could fall, that there was still so much work left for me to do. How can I complain if my life needs work and I am given the opportunity and wherewithal to do it? In this post I am sharing the way I find the work my life expects me to do. It is not a complaint but an observation. It is work that produces results and I am glad to do it. Today as I look at my life I know who created the mess I have been cleaning up, I did it all by myself. One of these days I will have cleaned it all up, the rage will once again be gone. I will get up one morning and have finished this work having stood up the life I expected, something satisfying and fulfilling like the work I am doing to get there.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Complaint

The cause of disease is centered on broken expectation. By allowing our mistakes to be what defines how we are, our center is lost. To remember where our true center is follow the protest, the voice of complaint, it leads the way. The noise it makes has a purpose, to be heard. By listening to our complaint we allow it to end. It is only by resistance, holding the complaint captive that it continues to complain. It is hard to let these complaints go and they fester and boil into a toxic soup that is illness or disease. We need to embrace our complaint and in this way let it go. It is by this assurance, an acknowledgement that the complaint has been heard, that we are able to assure our self and all is well. If you have been reading my blog you will know that this is what I am working on right now. Apparently I need to stop complaining.

Is there an origin of complaint, a single source? I think there is and that is the voice, the complaint, the noise to follow. It leads to our true center where there can be no complaint. It is complaint that draws us to complain and complaint breeds complaint, breeds complaint, breeds complaint and we walk, on complaint, from center. If there is only one complaint, what is my complaint? Having carried it for so long it is very loud, especially when I approach true center. How else will it get my attention, after all, I have not been listening. Listening is not complaining and it is one or the other. Often I feel conflicted, almost as if I am two people, I see now it is this complaint.

A complaint against my father. Two years old. He was upset with me about my determination and I got punished by him. I was devastated. I could not reach him with my complaint. That is the complaint. I spent most of the day yesterday working to divine this representation of long forgotten complaint. My father is dead now and I believe he is reincarnate, continuing his path of fate in search of destiny. I can reach him there through forgiveness and the spirit of compassion, love. Together with mindfulness of God, Angels and persons who have ascended the incarnate cycle, forgiveness breaks this injurious bond we forged when I was two. Instead of my inclination toward complaint I now have a sense of closeness and calm. I can feel my father, not at my side but within me, a part of me, much as I think a child would. It is a great comfort as I sit and write.

The warmth of this memory, of reconnecting with my father was very nice, an example of subtlety and power. I have it back now but it quickly disappeared, displaced by a visitor. It is a person I know but the exchange was spiritual. A representation of the persons spirit and an invitation to recommit to complaint that pushed me from working on this post. I get these sort of visitors all the time, we are spiritual beings, we behave in a spiritual manner, and I see the spiritual world. I am happy to report that all the work I have written about here on the MysticTourist.com has made me stronger and this visitor only wants something to be revealed by this work. I have not quite learned the lesson that allows me to stay centered when an agitated visitor finds me but I am better everyday at returning to center. Center is a place I return to over and over again until it is the one place I am. Today what pulls me away are the lessons I learn on the way back. The process is creating a place, a spiritual place here in the temporal world. A place where I will find comfort walking in both worlds.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Mystical Me

For as long as I have pursued mysticism I have known I would make my work, and its result, public. It was in 1981 that I put down the fight and accepted what seems the only life-choice being presented to me, mysticism. I married in 1985. I felt obligated. I had been with Lynn for eleven years and for seven of those I was at my absolute worst behavior. I felt I owed her something, and, although I tried, I could not dissuade her from marriage. It was rough right from the start. My honeymoon was the worst experience of my life and by the third week of marriage I was being threatened with divorce a few times a day. I pressed on, after all I made a committment. I figured she would not be able to sustain this dysfunction over time as it alone would ruin the marriage and I had the skills as well as the committment to help her repair her life. By the early 1990’s I had invested everything I had in the marriage. I had two young children in the house and damage control had become my full-time occupation. I was unable to work enough to thrive because my absence from the home was an excuse for Lynn to rage and threaten myself and the family. We could have easily been doing quite well, building a comfortable future, but she would not allow it. I realized that I had nothing left to invest in the marriage, I had put it all in and fulfilled my commitment. I told Lynn. I told her we should go ahead with the divorce she talked about everyday or fix the finances. Our marriage could not survive the financial state it was already in and I would not consider staying on without professional counseling. She never talked of divorce again. Counseling was a waste of time. In the end she doubled down on her determination to ruin my life. She took up with another man and walked out on the family. At her direction my already impossible financial condition went off the cliff. I hung in there. Life eventually presented an opportunity to remove the children, and myself, from the house we were in and file for divorce. That was January of 1999.

Looking back I do not know what I might have done differently. I am who I am. If I remove the twelve years of rage, from 1969 to 1981, I would have had a completely different life. In the last seven years of my rage, Lynn, was by my side. This is where my sense of obligation to her came from. I was free of the rage for four years by the time I married. Although I have finally restored my business my finances are still precarious. My day-to-day cash flow is acceptable but the tax disaster that resulted from this train wreck remains unresolved. As for my mystic life, I am beginning to see the light of day and expect to fully recover. I remain convinced that the pursuit of mysticism is the only thing I need to do to succeed. It works, I have restored myself twice with it. There is no other motivation in my life. Not that other things are unimportant, relationships and the like.  I only know how to fulfill them through my life of mysticism. All matters are given their appointment and importance or there is no path forward. Such is this mystic’s life. As for Lynn, I wish her well. I harbor no ill will. I do not hold her responsible for what I did to myself. Jon and Kait, my children, hey they are great!

This post is about the expectation that I need to make who I am public. My mystic reality. It has always been clear to me that I can not avoid that. It does make me very uncomfortable but there is no value in something that remains secret. Hidden from view. The discomfort will pass.

I created this blog thinking it would help me piece myself, my mystic, back together and it has. I also knew that it would expose me, make my private life known and that there is a completion that can only be found in that exposure. I have been blogging away, expecting a personal acquaintance to find the blog, share it, and then, by default… exposed! Now that that has happened I find it is still up to me to present myself and the idea still ties my back in a knot. Ouch. I will keep doing it as I see no other way forward and it is what I want to do. Please stop by from time to time and read the blog. It has been well received and I enjoy the company.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Mom’s House

Wondering what I would do this morning I am directed to write. Looking for a topic an idea, anything that is worthy of writing and I see an image. Surprised to see this one, did not expect it. It is an image similar to the Medusa Head. This thing is all arms and hands and moves effortlessly in any direction. It holds on to what we are ignorant of, holding it so tight against us that we see neither this being or what it clings to. What clings to us, by virtue of our agreement with this Satan.

Satans are spiritual beings. I do not believe that they exist outside of  temporal realities. In other words they have no durable quality that I recognize, but they are real. As I consider them I expect that we created them. Human Beings imagined them into existence. That is my supposition. There is no reason to fear them as they have no authority beyond our choice to associate with them. In recognizing them the agreement we made to keep their acquaintance can be broken. They only work to keep from us what we are given to do and only because we have asked them to. These agreements can be broken without mystic sight. (You do not have to see them to dissolve an agreement made with them). Me, my mystic life is very visual and so I see them. I see the spiritual world. I only know that I see it, and, seeing it I am left to accept it as actual, an experience I have.

Let us see what I have asked this Satan to hide in the darkness of my ignorance. In looking I see negative emotion (rage, hate, grief and the like) waifing through my being. This emotion is anchored to me by the grip of this Satan and the agreement made with it. In January of 1999 I was forty-six years old with two children ages nine and twelve. I had been a full-time single parent for four years at this time. My wife had been actively working to undermine my finances and my financial condition was that of ruin. I was presented an opportunity to move my children and myself into my mother’s house a few blocks away. I did. I was extremely embarrassed and ashamed of the condition I had managed to get myself in. The agreement I made with this Satan is to hold on to the shame. It replicates itself in subtle ways throughout my life but this is where it lives. Its source-point. Love, acceptance and approval should melt the grip and let the Satan slip away.

I should mention that moving in with mom was a true blessing. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer not long after we arrived and we lived with her in her remaining five years. She really liked that. It gave me the opportunity to keep my children safe and to divorce my wife. She got the most notorious Family Law Attorney in the county and I a well-respected run of the mill type. I simply threw myself at the mercy of the court and my children were given permission to be at my house everyday, even the days they were with their mother. The custody arrangement gave the children a long weekend every other week at their moms and the rest of the time with me. Unheard of in the state of California. My lawyer was impressed. He told me that this kind of arrangement, for men, happened less than 15% of the time. I rose a pair of healthy well-adjusted successful children.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012