Complaint

The cause of disease is centered on broken expectation. By allowing our mistakes to be what defines how we are, our center is lost. To remember where our true center is follow the protest, the voice of complaint, it leads the way. The noise it makes has a purpose, to be heard. By listening to our complaint we allow it to end. It is only by resistance, holding the complaint captive that it continues to complain. It is hard to let these complaints go and they fester and boil into a toxic soup that is illness or disease. We need to embrace our complaint and in this way let it go. It is by this assurance, an acknowledgement that the complaint has been heard, that we are able to assure our self and all is well. If you have been reading my blog you will know that this is what I am working on right now. Apparently I need to stop complaining.

Is there an origin of complaint, a single source? I think there is and that is the voice, the complaint, the noise to follow. It leads to our true center where there can be no complaint. It is complaint that draws us to complain and complaint breeds complaint, breeds complaint, breeds complaint and we walk, on complaint, from center. If there is only one complaint, what is my complaint? Having carried it for so long it is very loud, especially when I approach true center. How else will it get my attention, after all, I have not been listening. Listening is not complaining and it is one or the other. Often I feel conflicted, almost as if I am two people, I see now it is this complaint.

A complaint against my father. Two years old. He was upset with me about my determination and I got punished by him. I was devastated. I could not reach him with my complaint. That is the complaint. I spent most of the day yesterday working to divine this representation of long forgotten complaint. My father is dead now and I believe he is reincarnate, continuing his path of fate in search of destiny. I can reach him there through forgiveness and the spirit of compassion, love. Together with mindfulness of God, Angels and persons who have ascended the incarnate cycle, forgiveness breaks this injurious bond we forged when I was two. Instead of my inclination toward complaint I now have a sense of closeness and calm. I can feel my father, not at my side but within me, a part of me, much as I think a child would. It is a great comfort as I sit and write.

The warmth of this memory, of reconnecting with my father was very nice, an example of subtlety and power. I have it back now but it quickly disappeared, displaced by a visitor. It is a person I know but the exchange was spiritual. A representation of the persons spirit and an invitation to recommit to complaint that pushed me from working on this post. I get these sort of visitors all the time, we are spiritual beings, we behave in a spiritual manner, and I see the spiritual world. I am happy to report that all the work I have written about here on the MysticTourist.com has made me stronger and this visitor only wants something to be revealed by this work. I have not quite learned the lesson that allows me to stay centered when an agitated visitor finds me but I am better everyday at returning to center. Center is a place I return to over and over again until it is the one place I am. Today what pulls me away are the lessons I learn on the way back. The process is creating a place, a spiritual place here in the temporal world. A place where I will find comfort walking in both worlds.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Mystical Me

For as long as I have pursued mysticism I have known I would make my work, and its result, public. It was in 1981 that I put down the fight and accepted what seems the only life-choice being presented to me, mysticism. I married in 1985. I felt obligated. I had been with Lynn for eleven years and for seven of those I was at my absolute worst behavior. I felt I owed her something, and, although I tried, I could not dissuade her from marriage. It was rough right from the start. My honeymoon was the worst experience of my life and by the third week of marriage I was being threatened with divorce a few times a day. I pressed on, after all I made a committment. I figured she would not be able to sustain this dysfunction over time as it alone would ruin the marriage and I had the skills as well as the committment to help her repair her life. By the early 1990’s I had invested everything I had in the marriage. I had two young children in the house and damage control had become my full-time occupation. I was unable to work enough to thrive because my absence from the home was an excuse for Lynn to rage and threaten myself and the family. We could have easily been doing quite well, building a comfortable future, but she would not allow it. I realized that I had nothing left to invest in the marriage, I had put it all in and fulfilled my commitment. I told Lynn. I told her we should go ahead with the divorce she talked about everyday or fix the finances. Our marriage could not survive the financial state it was already in and I would not consider staying on without professional counseling. She never talked of divorce again. Counseling was a waste of time. In the end she doubled down on her determination to ruin my life. She took up with another man and walked out on the family. At her direction my already impossible financial condition went off the cliff. I hung in there. Life eventually presented an opportunity to remove the children, and myself, from the house we were in and file for divorce. That was January of 1999.

Looking back I do not know what I might have done differently. I am who I am. If I remove the twelve years of rage, from 1969 to 1981, I would have had a completely different life. In the last seven years of my rage, Lynn, was by my side. This is where my sense of obligation to her came from. I was free of the rage for four years by the time I married. Although I have finally restored my business my finances are still precarious. My day-to-day cash flow is acceptable but the tax disaster that resulted from this train wreck remains unresolved. As for my mystic life, I am beginning to see the light of day and expect to fully recover. I remain convinced that the pursuit of mysticism is the only thing I need to do to succeed. It works, I have restored myself twice with it. There is no other motivation in my life. Not that other things are unimportant, relationships and the like.  I only know how to fulfill them through my life of mysticism. All matters are given their appointment and importance or there is no path forward. Such is this mystic’s life. As for Lynn, I wish her well. I harbor no ill will. I do not hold her responsible for what I did to myself. Jon and Kait, my children, hey they are great!

This post is about the expectation that I need to make who I am public. My mystic reality. It has always been clear to me that I can not avoid that. It does make me very uncomfortable but there is no value in something that remains secret. Hidden from view. The discomfort will pass.

I created this blog thinking it would help me piece myself, my mystic, back together and it has. I also knew that it would expose me, make my private life known and that there is a completion that can only be found in that exposure. I have been blogging away, expecting a personal acquaintance to find the blog, share it, and then, by default… exposed! Now that that has happened I find it is still up to me to present myself and the idea still ties my back in a knot. Ouch. I will keep doing it as I see no other way forward and it is what I want to do. Please stop by from time to time and read the blog. It has been well received and I enjoy the company.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Mom’s House

Wondering what I would do this morning I am directed to write. Looking for a topic an idea, anything that is worthy of writing and I see an image. Surprised to see this one, did not expect it. It is an image similar to the Medusa Head. This thing is all arms and hands and moves effortlessly in any direction. It holds on to what we are ignorant of, holding it so tight against us that we see neither this being or what it clings to. What clings to us, by virtue of our agreement with this Satan.

Satans are spiritual beings. I do not believe that they exist outside of  temporal realities. In other words they have no durable quality that I recognize, but they are real. As I consider them I expect that we created them. Human Beings imagined them into existence. That is my supposition. There is no reason to fear them as they have no authority beyond our choice to associate with them. In recognizing them the agreement we made to keep their acquaintance can be broken. They only work to keep from us what we are given to do and only because we have asked them to. These agreements can be broken without mystic sight. (You do not have to see them to dissolve an agreement made with them). Me, my mystic life is very visual and so I see them. I see the spiritual world. I only know that I see it, and, seeing it I am left to accept it as actual, an experience I have.

Let us see what I have asked this Satan to hide in the darkness of my ignorance. In looking I see negative emotion (rage, hate, grief and the like) waifing through my being. This emotion is anchored to me by the grip of this Satan and the agreement made with it. In January of 1999 I was forty-six years old with two children ages nine and twelve. I had been a full-time single parent for four years at this time. My wife had been actively working to undermine my finances and my financial condition was that of ruin. I was presented an opportunity to move my children and myself into my mother’s house a few blocks away. I did. I was extremely embarrassed and ashamed of the condition I had managed to get myself in. The agreement I made with this Satan is to hold on to the shame. It replicates itself in subtle ways throughout my life but this is where it lives. Its source-point. Love, acceptance and approval should melt the grip and let the Satan slip away.

I should mention that moving in with mom was a true blessing. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer not long after we arrived and we lived with her in her remaining five years. She really liked that. It gave me the opportunity to keep my children safe and to divorce my wife. She got the most notorious Family Law Attorney in the county and I a well-respected run of the mill type. I simply threw myself at the mercy of the court and my children were given permission to be at my house everyday, even the days they were with their mother. The custody arrangement gave the children a long weekend every other week at their moms and the rest of the time with me. Unheard of in the state of California. My lawyer was impressed. He told me that this kind of arrangement, for men, happened less than 15% of the time. I rose a pair of healthy well-adjusted successful children.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

My Fourth Grade Demon

I have recently been reconnecting with the class I graduated eighth grade with. At the time this began, this reconnect, I was working on restoring my child and early childhood joy and happiness. I was using an affirmation that involved using love as a door. Nearly as soon as I started this project, this reconnect with the child I had been, I am contacted by my eighth grade class. Some people like to call that coincidence but I call it providence. What I thought I was looking for was not to be found where I was looking, but this invitation, to reconnect, revealed where I had hidden it. What I was looking for I found between grade three and grade four. I thought I would find it buried in the grief I knew in grade one.

You see they held me back in grade one. I passed the class, no problem, but my brother Bob was being held back in grade two. He had no problem passing his class, what the hell it is second grade, but he thought school was fun. The nuns would not tolerate that. I was absolutely miserable through second grade and they decided I should spend a year at a public school. I really enjoyed first grade, the first time round, and third grade was a blast. I was sent to St Raymond’s in fourth grade for the remainder of my primary education. I could not have been more disappointed. Did these people, making decisions on my behalf, have any clue? No. I never again enjoyed school. I made no effort but was bright enough to pass easily without it. I landed in a college prep program for my lack of effort. Before I could get through four years of high school I had been to two very good schools. Got thrown out of both and am still without a diploma. It is needless to say, but I have made some very bad choices.

That brings me back to my quest to find my child and his assorted joys and happiness. I discovered what I was looking for (I do all this by divination) was a demon. The demon I found has hidden in this recess for all this time. Like all demons it stays busy working to make someones life a permanent home for itself. It has populated the remainder of my life with its effort. Of course it needs my help to do this, that is the bargain. All demons have names and this one goes by Indifference. I have given it broad authority to pollute my life. I am trying to introduce it to this door called ,Love, but it does not want to go.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Repair the Future With the Past

I recently read The Past is Your Light Map by Jennifer Hoffman.  I read it at Shift Frequency, a site run by Gillian Grannum. I really like her site. I find Jennifer’s blog too imposing but the post I read did inspire me and I have provided the link.

I was reminded of a method of healing I have used before but whose application had escaped me. I spent a few years doing regression therapy. Using a swing rod I would divine a past event that carried irritability and difficulty into my day-to-day living. I would do a simple reconstruction of the event and then dissolve it with apology and forgiveness. For a number of years I did this to manage my well-being. If I did not do this my health would collapse. After a time I came to see that the past is consequential in a way that perpetuated the injuries from the past. The injurious nature of my past created future fates that then drew me toward them. In my experience these fates were far fewer than the past injuries that created them but none the less injurious. Using the same methods of divination I would divine these fates and dissolve them as a way to repair my health and maintain well-being.

As near as I can tell my work with regression and fate is complete, however, the tendency to create these conditions remains and I fell into that condition. That creates the spiral, or gravity, that perpetuates difficulty and eventually the work needs to be done all over again. It is like turning off a light and then complaining about not being able to see. It is caused by ignorance. Any act of ignorance causes its growth. It is adhesive and the smallest step in this direction is immediately problem-some.

Jennifer’s blog post gave me a way to see what I could do differently. The word ‘hate’ has been a plague in my thought for some time. It is self-hate and of course it collects. It has been hard to see where it comes from and how to be rid of it. It is from my past and its gravity has had me stuck. I have worked to replace it by thinking love when the word, hate, shouts at me. So far not so good, until now. I realized that when irritability reared up the word hate would shout at me and the irritability was tied to my past, to an attitude attached to an incident in the past. Now I see the mechanism and that the irritability just wants love. I divine what the irritability is about and broadcast love for it into my future dissolving its gravity and creating the future I want from the past. The past and the future? They are the same thing and I am always free to create the future I want, now.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012

Fourth Chakra Fourth Dimension

The path to spiritual maturity leads me through my past. Like an image in a mirror my past reminds, directs and presents where I have been and the path I did not choose. The one way that fulfills my promise is never subject to change, it offers me no place to go but rather a way to be wherever I go. The Fourth chakra is like a fourth dimension, a mirror I can step into. A place where image is the structure of reality. The spiritual world is in this realm of image. I think we all see it but few people step over the threshold. The door is compassion and it is always open. Compassion has keys, forgiveness for example, unlocks compassion and I can consider the passage it reveals. I can leave my lost childhood behind and discover the promise of a new birth a completion of self where temporal realities meet the boundless realm of spirit. It is here that no mystery exists and creation is. The passage through the fourth chakra resolves the confusion I pretend to have and the past I create is the future I remember.

Michael, The Mystic Tourist ©2012